Letters

To my Husband,
Thank you so much for being by my side in this battle of infertility for nearly 2 years now. When we got married, we had no idea this would be the struggle ahead of us, but I just thank God for it everyday because we have grown so much closer to each other because of our struggles. I wouldn't have wished infertility on us. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. But because of PCOS and all the tests, the blood work, the ultrasounds, the joys, the sorrows, and all those stupid little pills, we have been growing closer to each other, and closer to God.

Our first year together was certainly much different than the last 2. Our first year, we were so full of happiness and joy every day, planning for our future, making wedding arrangements, talking about what we would name our kids, and where we wanted to live. All of that slowly faded away and made way for new discussions. Those smiles that were plastered on our faces to the point of making my face hurt still show up, but a lot of those happy discussions we'd had before getting married now are topics I don't even want to think about. Thinking about what we want to name our children can hurt, because I thought we'd already have those kids with us by now. Laughing about what we could make our nursery theme just breaks my heart. What if that day never comes?

But here we are. 2 years into infertility and we still find reasons to smile. Through every emotional break down, every hot flash (that never seem to go away!), every side effect, every symptom that "could be a sign of pregnancy" but never is, and through every moment of doubt and fear, you're there. You are always there for me to ramble on about these things to, to hold me when I can't stop crying, to comfort me when I get angry and ask "why us?". You always have a strong face, and always hold me up when I'm down. I hope you know that I am there when the days are hard on you too. I love you.

To my Family,
You guys have been with me since day 1. You know who I am inside and out. I've told you about my infertility since day 1, and you've been some of my biggest supporters. My parents, my parents-in-law, my brothers/sisters in law, my aunts and uncles, my grandpa. I don't know how I could make it through these days without having your love. You've prepared me for the hard times in such a way that I was able to tackle them on head first and with strong faith. I can't begin to describe your love for me, and how you pray for me daily and keep me lifted up. Those prayers are felt, and I am so proud to call you my family.

To my Best Friends,
You have no idea what it means to me to be able to share this journey with you. Some of you have been there since day one of Mike and I meeting, some of you came into our lives a little later in this process, but you guys are my rocks. I know you have my back every single day, and no matter what I can call/text/facebook/send a carrier pigeon to and you'll always answer.

I know a lot of you have your own struggles, whether it be fertility related or not, so the fact that you take the time out of your own emotional break downs to be there for me, to comfort me, to make me laugh, to cry along side me, means the absolute world. I hope you know that I am always that same one phone call away that you are for me.

You ladies always know exactly what to say. I could go on and on for paragraph after paragraph in texts to you, and without hesitation you reply and it's exactly what I need. Whether it's a comforting "I'm sorry", scripture, or your own advice/what you've been through, it is so wonderful to have that support. There are days that I just want to go home from work and lay in bed and not do anything, but you ladies help me to get out of bed and do something productive or fun. You push me to get out of my own head, and that's exactly what I need so keep it up.

To my Trying to Conceive (TTC) Instagram/Blog family,
I have been using Instagram to get advice/vent about TTC for the past 10 months or so. I never knew that I would have over 400 followers in that time, and get to know so many of you on a personal level. I have watched many of you beat infertility, which gives me such hope! I am amazed at how God works and can bring each of us through our journey differently, but seeing so many girls get their positives and grow amazing children makes me that much more excited for when the day comes. I've also had to watch a lot of you go through struggles. I've watched as you've had miscarriages, false positives, no positives at all, get new diagnosis', and I've watched as more and more ladies have joined us in this infertility journey, which breaks my heart.

I've gotten to really know a good handful of you, have shared in your victories and your defeats. I laugh when you laugh, and cry when you cry. It wouldn't matter if you got your positive tomorrow and I didn't get mine for 5 years, you ladies are some of my closest friends and I love getting to share life through pictures and text with you.

For those of you who I haven't gotten to know as well, or might not know at all besides where you are in your cycle, I really do want to get to know more about who you are outside of infertility. Each of us is so much more than a diagnosis (or lack of diagnosis) and I want to know that side of you. I hope that my posts and the relationships that I HAVE built up, and the struggles I'm going through can give you hope and peace knowing that you are not alone, you will never be alone, and that we all have each other's backs, whether you've been TTC for a month, 5 years, have 3 children already, are TTC your first, growing your family naturally, with assistance of medicine, IVF, or adoption. We are all in this together and as much as I wish we didn't have to be friends because of infertility, I am so happy that we have become friends.


"Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing."- 1 Thessalonians 5:11

I hope you are as encouraged by this post and my letters to the people in my life as I was writing it. Thinking about all the people I have in my life who support me and love me and pray for me just makes my heart so happy. If I'm this loved in the hard time of infertility, when the day finally comes of having children, I know that child/children will be loved so so much, especially because of the trials and struggle it has been getting there, and continues to be.

Have a beautiful March 1st and God Bless,
Amanda