Thankful

Well, with Thanksgiving just a few days away, I started reflecting on the things I am thankful for. At times in our life, this can be so hard to do. How do I give thanks for things in my life when I feel like everything is going against me?

Here's the good news.

Did you wake up this morning? Are you alive? Then you have something to be thankful for!

Most of us don't live each day not knowing if we'll wake up tomorrow. We all just kind of assume that we fall asleep at night and wake up the next morning. I have people in my life that don't know if their loved ones are going to wake up tomorrow morning, and they are so thankful for the days they have. So why do we sit at our desks counting down the minutes till we're out of work and are thankful to be home, when we could be thanking God for allowing us to have a job and a house to go home to? The simple answer? We take everything for granted.

So this year, here's how my thankful list goes:

First and foremost, I am thankful for Jesus Christ who died for my sins. Without him, I would be nothing. I would be a sinner walking the streets without a care in the world for anyone. I would be damned to Hell for all eternity. But because God gave his only son to die on a cross for my sins, I get to live eternally in Heaven with Him. I can't ever stop being thankful for the sacrifice Jesus gave for me, and I won't ever forget it!

 

I am thankful for my PCOS

Woah Woah Woah hold on. Amanda, you're always talking about how much you hate PCOS and how much you're struggling with getting pregnant. How can you be thankful towards the cause of you not having that joy in your life?

Well my dear readers, it goes something like this. Because of PCOS, I have been able to help other people. I have been able to make a new community of friends through the struggles we're facing. PCOS has also brought my husband and I closer together. I know that may seem weird, but it's just another thing for us to talk about, pray over, and it was actually an answer to prayer to find out I have PCOS. Praying for an answer to why we weren't getting pregnant after a year of trying and getting an answer was an amazing testimony to God. Now our prayers go towards how to overcome this obstacle, but I am so thankful for this season in my life.

I am thankful for my husband.

 

I know, I know. DUH. Of course you're thankful for your husband Amanda.

 

Guys, it is so much more than that.

 

My husband is my rock. He is the one who after a long day of work, comes home, cooks me dinner, and listens to how my short day of work was. He's the one who let's me choose what show we watch at night. He gives me my space when I need it, and cuddles up close when he knows that's what I need before I even know. He is such a man of God, and he leads our home that way. I am so thankful for a man who not only has concern for me here on this Earth and the things we struggle through, but has concern for me in my walk with Christ and pushes me to be a better follower every single day. He believes that I can do anything. I could tell him I want to learn how to swallow swords and he would tell me that I could learn it by next week. When I'm down and crying about not being pregnant for the 19th month in a row, he just holds me and with this joy in his face says "Maybe next month will be it. Never give up hope."

 

Ladies, if you aren't married yet and are reading this, I just want to take a moment to tell you that being with a man who loves Christ more than he loves you is the most important decision you can make as a follower. I know a lot of woman, including myself, can long for that male attention. But when you have a man who is encouraging you to give God all your attention, and that you are priceless in his eyes? Never let him go.

 



I am thankful for the little things

 

The little things we take for granted are the things that are the most important. The fact that I have a car to go back and forth from work, the chips I have to snack on in the afternoon, having a body that allows me to walk up the stairs in my apartment, and just the simple things that I have clothes, food, a home, and a job are just so important. I hope I never lose sight of the fact that being able to live in a world where I can sit here and type this blog and have a) have the internet/a computer to type it and b) the freedom to share my thoughts without being persecuted for them. It truly is amazing to live in country like America. I know a lot of people don't feel that way, especially when it comes to politics, but I am so thankful that I have the ability to live in this country.

 

What are you thankful for today? What can I be praying with you for today? Please let me know!

 

God Bless, and have a happy Thanksgiving!

Amanda

Ecclesiastes 12:13

"Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls." 1 Peter 1:8

 

 

Good morning everyone! I hope everyone has had a good weekend! For me, the weekend was very long, but very fun. I was babysitting 3 children from Thursday night through Monday morning. It was very out of my element to be at someone else's house for 4 nights and taking care of 3 children (13, 11, and 7) but we had such a fun weekend. We went to Boston on Sunday (and we brought Mike with us too) and they were just so well behaved. Having the little bit of extra money for Christmas shopping isn't too bad either!

 

 

This morning I opened up my bible app for the first time in a week and was hoping to see the verse that I need today. I wasn't sure what the verse would be, but I knew I needed something today. The verse of the day today was Ecclesiastes 12:13 which reads

 

"Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the duty of all mankind."

 

 

I really had to take a few minutes and reflect on this verse because I wasn't really sure why this would be the verse God gave me today. I do fear God and try to keep his commandments, so why is God leading me to this passage today. With all that has happened in the world the past few days, and really over the past year or so, I think God is giving me this verse because of the last two words of the verse. All Mankind. I don't know about you, but I don't see all of mankind keeping God's commandments. I don't see all of mankind fearing God. I see people in this world killing others FOR fearing God. I see people in this world following after false God's and after their own hearts rather than after God's heart. I see people in the aftermath of these attacks and tragedies who don't know where to turn. People who want things to change, but don't know how to change them other than just electing someone else to run their country and hoping they can change this.

 

Change isn't going to come from one person.

 

I hate to admit it, but even living in the free world that is the United States, we aren't safe. And it doesn't matter if our next president is Democrat or Republican, we won't be safe. We can have the best military defense system up, but if people aren't following Christ and praying for healing in our world, things are going to keep happening. People are going to keep bombing. People are going to shoot other people. We can physically try to prevent these things, but we need to be praying to God about preventing these things, and how to move forward after events like Paris, 9/11, and so so many other times of attacks on countries.

 

In verse 14, Solomon writes "For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil." I think this is why God gave me this verse today. Not for verse 13, but for verse 14. When we die and go before the Lord, we are going to be judged on what we have done in our lives. Hidden things and things that we did that everyone saw. If we are on the outside fearing God and keeping his commandments, but on the inside are not following these things, God knows. But likewise, we may have so many good things in our hearts that we didn't share with others that God will see and rejoice in.

 

I was scrolling through the verses from the past few days/week and I saw that Jeremiah 29:11 was one of the verses. I love this verse, I don't care if it's cliché or very well known, it's so powerful. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  For anyone who knows what I'm going through with PCOS knows that this verse means a lot to me. God has a plan for me and it's a plan that will not harm me and that gives me hope.

 

Now, when I write that God's plan won't harm me, I don't mean that I won't be safe from harm. I can still be hurt, I am not invincible. But it's meant in more of a Big Picture kind of way. God's there. He doesn't want to see me fail, he wants me to be filled with hope about a future. A future with him!

 

And through my travels through the verse of the day's I found a new favorite verse. The verse I put at the beginning of this post. "Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls." - 1 Peter 1:8-9. Guys I can't begin to express to you how much I love this verse. I am receiving the end result of my faith, which is the salvation of my soul.

 

At church a few weeks ago we talked about just this. Salvation isn't just for when we die, salvation is ours to claim today! Salvation is now AND forever! Sometimes it can be hard to follow God because you can't see him. It can be hard when you don't see all of the amazing things he's laid in front of you today. But even when I can't see those things, I'm still filled with that glorious joy every day! EVERY. DAY.  I am joyous because I have a great God by my side and that will never change. That will never waver. I have salvation through him, and so do you!

 

I think the thing I have the hardest time with as a Christian is spreading his word. I have such a hard time going up to people who I know aren't Christians, or who aren't following Christ, and explaining to them how I have such joy even in turmoil. I have such a hard time saying "Yes, I have PCOS. No, I don't have any children yet. No, not all my dreams have come true yet. But I have a great God who I know is always with me and he can always be with you too." I think this blog has helped me so much in being confident in my walk with God, with being able to vocalize my journey and to help encourage people. It's definitely helped me to be more vocal with people around me and not be afraid to share my faith with them. It's still very easy for me to hide behind my computer screen and not be vocal outside of this comfort zone, but I'm working on it.

 

I hope that this post encourages you to have faith in Christ, to keep the Lord's commandments, and that this world needs our prayers.

 

God Bless,

Amanda

Grace Wins Every Time

New Obsession Song : Grace Wins by Matthew West.

I was putting together a new Spotify playlist yesterday and I was like "oh yeah, Matthew West has a new song, I'll add that."

I have basically been listening to it non stop over the past 24 hours. My journey with Christ hasn't always been the best. I haven't been the best person. I have had the face of a Christian and then behind closed doors was living in so much sin. I will always be a sinner. My past will never change. But praise The Lord that my future is forever changed because of the relationship I've begun to build with Jesus.

When I went to look up the definition of Grace, the most simple and perfect way to define it is in one word. Mercy. And of course, being the person I am, I wanted the definition of Mercy. Mercy is defined as compassion or forgiveness shown toward someone whom it is within one's power to punish or harm. If that doesn't describe the grace of our God than I don't know what does.

Now for me, I could listen to a song and love it and sing along to it for days, but until I read the lyrics, the song never truly hits home. So this morning I decided to read through the lyrics of Grace Wins while listening to it. And right away the first verse really just grabbed me by the heart and said "Amanda you need to listen to this"

In my weakest moment I see you
Shaking your head in disgrace
I can read the disappointment
Written all over your face

Here comes those whispers in my ear
Saying who do you think you are
Looks like you're on your own from here
Cause grace could never reach that far

 

I swear I think this was written for and about me.

 

In the first phrase, it's us really just looking up to God and knowing how disappointed in us he is. The second phrase is all about the Devil getting into our head and saying "Well, sorry. That's just too far for God to love you anymore."

 

But then the chorus guys. The chorus just makes me cry.

 

There's a war between guilt and grace
And they're fighting for a sacred space
But I'm living proof
Grace wins every time

 

 

I'm living proof that grace wins every time! I am still here. God hasn't cast me out. He is still right here, no matter how far I've strayed from him. No matter how much I doubt, he's still here. When I come running back, he's here. When I look for forgiveness, he covers me with that grace!

 

 

For the prodigal son, grace wins
For the woman at the well, grace wins
For the blind man and the beggar, grace wins
For always and forever, grace wins For the lost out on the street, grace wins
For the worst part of you and me, grace wins
For the theif on the cross, grace wins
For a world that it lost

 

I really wanted to dig deep into the bridge. Because Matthew West talks about so many different people, both biblically and in our world now, that grace still was given to them! So let's get into this.

 

For the prodigal son, grace wins.

 

The story of the prodigal son is one that most people know about. The story can be found in Luke 15 verses 11-32. It tells of a man with two sons, the younger of which wanted his share of his father's estate, and then left home. After leaving home, the younger son went through all of his belongings and ended up having to work feeding pigs, starving. He knew he needed to go back home, but thought his father would never take him back into his home. But when he returned home, his father was so overjoyed to have his son back that they threw a huge party in honor of him coming home. Grace won! 

 

For the woman at the well, grace wins

 

The story of the woman at the well may not be quite as popular as the prodigal son, but I think it is one of my favorite biblical stories. Jesus goes to Samaria and after traveling sits by a well. When a woman comes to draw water from it he asks her for a drink. Her response is "You are a Jew and I am a Samarian, how can you ask me for a drink?" At this point, Jesus starts to tell her of the living water that salvation in him gives. Of course, this woman wants to know more about this eternal life water and so Jesus tells her "go and fetch your husband." She responded telling him that she didn't have a husband. And Jesus, being the kind of guy he is says "You're right. You actually have 5. And the man you're with right now isn't even your husband." Wow, Jesus 1: Samarian woman: 0. But guess what, because she decided to follow Jesus, Grace won!

 

For the blind man and the beggar, grace wins

 

Jesus was a healer, not only of physical ailments but of the soul. In John 9:1-11, Jesus meets this blind man from birth (who is also a beggar). His disciples asked him "Who sinned?  The man or his parents?" Jesus replied that it was neither, but he was blind so that the works of God would be displayed in him. He rubbed mud on his eyes and told the blind man to go and wash it off. When the man returned, the people of the town were surprised to find that this man who could now see was the same man who left a blind beggar. Because of Jesus' healing hand, Grace won!

 

I could go on and on about everyone else on this list, but I thought it was important to point out that these 3 people in the bible all had different sins, different stories, and came to The Father in different ways, but no matter their sin, no matter how far they strayed and turned from God, they all came back. God loves me, and he loves you too! Even when you're down, feeling so low that no one could ever love you, especially this perfect man called Jesus, know that he does love you, and he wants you. He wants every broken piece of you. God wants to use you for his kingdom and to show you that grace wins every time!

 

If you're reading this today and you aren't a follower of Christ and you're wondering what this crazy lady on the internet is talking about, I encourage you to send me a message. I know that when I first started going back to church in college, after growing up in a very traditional church, that I was so confused by all of this. How could God love me? I've been told God knows everything that I've done since day 1. How could God want me? How could he use me?

 

My friends, it's my past, my sin, and how I've overcome so many things in 23 years. That's how God is using me. He's using me through this blog, through talking with people in my community, through singing at church, and in my daily life of just surrendering all to him. He's using me. And I assure you, if he can use me and take me and love me, he wants you too!

 

Scripture of the day for you

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God-this is your true and proper worship" - Romans 12:1

 

God Bless

Amanda





Random Scatterings in my Brain

First Random Thought that I wanted to share: I dyed my hair last night! It's a Violet Red color and I am OBSESSED WITH IT.  I was hoping when I dyed my hair last month that I would have the courage to do this, and I didn't. But this time I said "You know what? I'm doing it!" I also got some new layers put in but the length is the same and I'm still growing out the bangs. Here's a picture.

 

 

It's pretty amazing. I can't wait to go out after work today and take pictures with my mom and she's going snap a few of me so hopefully they'll come out good!

 

Work has been going really well. I am loving learning more about the stock market, and about some of the things my boss does for his clients! I have learned a lot of things for the job in a surprisingly quick timeframe. And my boss and I get along really well so that's just a big bonus!

 

Mike and I are doing great! Since I've started this new job, I actually see my husband more than one night a week. That's not something that should have been happening anyways, but working in food service, you have to close your restaurant. And he works 930-615 so if I closed (which lets be honest over the summer I closed more often than not) he was already asleep. So now that I'm out at 3 and he's home at 630, things have been amazing. We eat dinner together, watch a movie, are able to go to small group, you know, things normal married couples do and take for granted. Switching jobs has been probably the best decision I've made in a long time!

 

Getting pregnant is hard! We're going on 19 months of trying to get pregnant, and still nothing. This cycle I decided NOT to take the Clomid, and that was the worst idea ever. When I was on the Clomid the past 4 months, everything has been on time. 31 days on the dot. Today is day 34, and I'm not even sure if I ovulated yet. So of course, I'm kicking myself for not taking it this month, but I needed a break. It was making me so emotional, so anxious, and SO HOT. I couldn't start a new job on that kind of mind set!

 

Looking back at a year ago, it's so crazy to think about what I wanted my life to look like. I wanted to be a mom. I wanted our family to grow. I wanted to have cravings, to puke 5 times a day for months, to go through the pain of child birth. I wanted every horrible moment of it, because I wanted a beautiful child. And a year later, I'm still that woman. I still want that baby. And I've seen so many people get pregnant and have babies in the year and a half we've been trying. I kept screaming When is it my turn God?!?

 

In the past 6 months I've really learned that I can't control this as much as I want to. My body isn't going to let me. And I've accepted that it will take a while to get pregnant. I've accepted that my body isn't ready for a baby yet. I've accepted that it is all in God's timing.

 

As I was scrolling through my facebook feed today, I came across a quote I wanted to share with you guys today.

 

"Sometimes our greatest disappointments today will set us up for God's best appointments tomorrow."

 

Oh I love this so much. This is what I'm going through. This is my heart.

 

The other thing I wanted to share was a song. I first heard this song at the church I went to in Maine for 3 years. The youth pastors wife sang this as a special music one week and I just thought it was beautiful. When I reheard the song today, I realized the song was written for me. The song is called "To Those Who Wait" by Bethany Dillon. I love the whole song, but this particular lyric just pops out at me every time I hear the song.

 

Oh, wretched man that I am!
Free me from my distractions.
You say You’re good to those who wait.

 

 

I guess that's really all for today. This wasn't really a one topic post and I'm sorry about that, but as the title said, I'm really scattered today!

 

A verse to keep with you today.

"Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ." - Galatians 1:10

 

Blessings

Amanda