This week is National Infertility Awareness Week. 1 in 8 couples struggle to have children for one reason or another. Sometimes these reasons are never known. Once you have a child (Praise the sweet lord for Josiah), that pain doesn't automatically go away. The years of feeling your body has failed you doesn't switch off. Just because you have a first child, or a second, or a 3rd, or a 10th, doesn't mean you struggle any less with infertility. Infertility doesn't automatically stop when you give birth.
It's so hard to put into words how infertility changed our lives. How it continues to change our lives. We have Josiah and we don't take that gift for granted. But we would like to have at least one more child, and just like the 2.5 years before we got pregnant with Josiah, I've been told so many reasons as to why we haven't gotten pregnant yet. "Maybe it's just not your time yet." "Well, you nursed him for a long time and it takes a long time for your body to go back to normal." "Oh it'll happen, just relax and enjoy the 3 of you while you can." or my personal favorite "Well, you already have a child so just count yourself lucky." OF COURSE WE KNOW WE'RE LUCKY. We're so blessed to have JP. Just because we have one child doesn't mean we're not allowed to want more.
As Mike and I look towards the future at our paths to a 2nd child, I know I've been told all of the things above, and plenty more. They're heart breaking. Sure there's some science to the nursing and not having cycles back to normal, but when even a doctor says they won't consider trying medications until 6 months after your cycles come back when they dang well know your history, it's frustrating. So to hear these things from family, friends, random people on the internet, it's hard. The way I've looked at it is like our family is a garden. I love my beautiful potted plant, but would love to have a whole garden full. This doesn't make us selfish, ungrateful for what we have, or bad people. This makes us human. This makes us a family who is happy with 1 child but would love for more.
I know there are women going through so many harder things than we are, have been struggling with infertility for longer, some with no answers. This post is not to take away from them. We all have our own fires we're dealing with. Big or small, we're dealing with them. We can't say "well at least you have a child" to women struggling to have a second. We can't tell people to stop trying since they have one child. It's heart breaking to hear. Just as we can't tell women who have been trying for a first to "Just Adopt" (because it shouldn't be a back up plan. Children looking to be adopted deserve to be more than someone's plan B).
So let's continue to pray for the 1 in 8. Continue to pray for the women who are longing for more. Longing to be mothers. Longing to have more children. Pray for the spouses who may have fertility issues, since it's not just women who can be the problem. Pray for the couples going through rounds of fertility treatments, the couples going through the adoption process (as a plan A), and for those who just are ready to give up. Friends who struggle, you are loved, you are known, and you are destined for greatness.
Xoxo,
Amanda
