All I want is to be in the light

"But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin." - 1 John 1:7

What a powerful message to read on this Wednesday. The sky outside of my window is gray, the leaves colors looking dull, and my verse of the day is about the light? Something seems a bit ironic in this.

Let me show you the few verses before this verse of walking in the light before I dig into it deeper. Starting in verse 5:

"This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in darkness,  we lie and do not live out the truth."

The more I'm reading over these three verses (5-7) the more I fall in love with it. It is so easy for us to slip into darkness. We might not even realize that we have been walking in darkness! As followers of Christ, it is so important to be following God's way, God's light. It says it plain as day in verse 6 "If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walking in darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth."

I don't know about you, but when I read that, I think of instances in my life where I was claiming to follow Christ and yet was walking in darkness. I was trying to minister to other people, trying to work with youth, and trying to spread the light of God, but I myself was living in darkness. I wasn't pursuing God. I was pursuing that happy feeling inside. I wanted the benefits of Jesus without doing any of the work. I knew the truth of Christ, that he had died for my sins and risen from the grave, but I wasn't living out my life in a way that glorified that truth.


We all have those moments where we finally get it. We finally see what everyone else is talking about.


Like the moment I first watched Frozen after not wanting to watch it because everyone and their mother thought it was the best thing ever and I didn't want to be another band wagoner.

In my faith, that moment came about 3 years ago.

I had been "following" Jesus for about a year and a half at that point. I came to God when I thought that I couldn't be any lower. My grandmother had just passed away. I couldn't think of anywhere else to look but up to the heavens and pray. From that day forward, I called myself a believer. And after mourning her loss (which by the way, I still cry when I hear certain songs or see pictures of us because I miss her so much), I realized that God had a plan.

I was very active in the church I went to during college and the year after. I was on the worship team, worked with the 4th-6th graders in Sunday School, went to bible study, and spent lots of time with my church friends. I was happy. I thought that was enough. I had a boyfriend who wasn't a believer, but I thought maybe I could change that. Maybe if I prayed hard enough that he would come to know the God that I loved so much. And a lot of people around me reminded me of the scripture 2 Corinthians 6:14 "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?"

But my boyfriend couldn't be darkness or wickedness. He was so nice. We had fun together. Why would people keep telling me about this verse?

And then, just like that, God ripped that happiness away from me. My boyfriend and I after a year and a half broke up, and I felt just as low as when my grandmother passed away. I felt like God had forgotten me, and that he didn't want me to be happy. I had lost the person I cared about most and I didn't understand why I couldn't fix it.

And then I realized that I wasn't living for God's light. I was living for myself. I didn't care if my actions glorified God outside of that church building. I wanted to be happy and live the life I was use to.

And then I remembered 2 Corinthians 6:14. And I realized that all that time, even though I hated to admit it at the time, all those people were right. They all agreed that he was a great guy, but he wasn't following Christ and that wasn't going to work. And looking back, I praise God so much for not letting that work. I praise him for pulling me out of that darkness, out of my sin I was living in, and for giving me 3 months to really just spend time with Him and to learn what it really meant to be a follower of Christ.

Those 3 months between November 2012 and February 2013 were some of the best months I've ever lived. I was digging into God's word more than I ever had before. I was going to bible study and participating and contributing to the group. I started memorizing scriptures. I was doing good works for the Kingdom of God.

I remember praying during the giant snow storm in February 2013 "Lord if it is your will, send me a man who is following after your heart, that can help me to grow and walk along side me in this life."

And I kid you not, the next day I met my husband on an online dating site.

I'm so thankful that I now live out that 1 John scripture about walking in fellowship with others who are in the light. My husband has since day 1 been my spiritual rock. He helps me when I'm feeling sorry for myself, reminds me "WWJD" and just really keeps things in perspective for me.

I hope that my story about finding the light and walking with the light has inspired you. I hope if you're like I was and walking in darkness that this message may help you to see the light of God.


One last thing, the entire time I've written this blog, I have been humming dc Talks "In the Light". It fits perfectly with this scripture. I hope you enjoy this song as much as I do!

 

God Bless,

Amanda

Acts 4:12, Matthew 6:34

Acts 4:12
Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to mankind by which we must be saved.

Wow. What a great way to start off my morning today. I have my hot cider in one hand, my favorite green jacket on, my make up is perfectly matching my outfit, and I am out the door to work. When I get to work at 9, I remember my boss is at a meeting and will be back a little after 9. I log into my computer, get my emails up and running. He's still not here. I send off information to customer service. "Great!", I think to myself, "When my boss gets back, he'll be so excited that I got a few things done to kick start our day!"

Ladies and gentleman, I have been at work for nearly two hours now, and still no word from my boss. So what do I do? I pull out my phone and open up my bible app. And the verse of the day today is Acts 4:12. And boy was that such a great reminder of my faith. See, I don't know about you, but for me, I need these reminders daily. It's so easy to see the world we live in and think "where is God in all of this? Shouldn't I just trust in doing good and being nice to others? That will be pleasing to the world right?" And yes, the world does love when people do good things and are nice. Heck, I love it when people are actually nice to me when I'm at the mall, or buying groceries, or getting my hair done.

But that isn't the way to salvation. We can't trust in other people to save us. We need to trust in the one true King of this world. For me, I love knowing that I have faith in a God who I feel save with. I love knowing that I put my trust in him and I will be saved eternally.

So, after I read this passage and really let that sink in, I think, "Maybe I should look back at some of the other verses of the day from the past few days." And the verse from yesterday was one of my favorite verses.

Matthew 6:34
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

This verse standing on its own is very powerful and beautiful. Kind of reminds me of that famous Bob Marley song...but that's a post for another day.

So, for those of you who know me, or who have read through some/all of my blog, you probably know that I'm a worrier. I struggle with anxiety. And I can worry a LOT about things that really don't matter. I also worry about things that I can't control. And that is ok, because we are humans. We mess up. We have flaws. We have sin. And this verse could probably be one of my favorite verses on its own because of my flaws. I need that reminder daily that tomorrow will worry about itself and that each day has trouble of its own. Why worry about tomorrow when I have things today that need my attention? I can't worry about the what ifs of my life when today I need to focus on doing my job, going to help my mom with a work event, feeding the cat, doing the laundry and dishes, and so on and so on. Each day, we have so many things that we face, and we can't be worrying about the next day's problems!

The thing about Matthew 6:34 is that it is a feel good verse. We are all very good at picking and choosing verses that we like (or want to use against others, which is not right.) and just saying "yup, don't worry about tomorrow it has it's owns problems...". So I just want to give you a sense of what is going on in Matthew 6 before this famous verse.

In my version of the bible on my phone (NIV), verses 25-34 are bunched together under the title "Do Not Worry". So we are on the right path for verse 34. But verse 25 starts with the word "Therefor". I learned a few years ago that if a line is starting with therefor, you should probably see what the few verses are before that that they are referring to! So, Matthew 6:24 says "No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money."

Continuing on into verses 25- 27
"Therefor, I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink or about your body, what you will wear. Is not  life more than food, the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

Thanks for that reality check Jesus. "Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" I think that pretty much hits the nail on the head. Worrying isn't good for your well being and Jesus points out to us that it isn't going to add time to our lives, so why do it?

Verses 28-30 speak of another metaphor of worrying about clothes and the flowers of the field. But verses 31-33  are what really lead us into our "Do not worry about tomorrow" verse. Matthew writes:

"So do not worry, saying 'what shall we eat' or 'What shall we drink' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

Now, I'm not bias, but Matthew 6:33 is my all time favorite verse, and is my husband and my life verse, so this post has been coming very easily to me.

How cool is it to know that we may think "But God, I need food." or "But God, I need clothes." and God basically just says "Ok Amanda, I got this.", all because I am seeking his kingdom first. He promises that if we keep our eyes off of the things of this world, and keep focusing and seeking out His ways, that he will give us all things we need and desire (within his will). I just love that promise that as long as I am following Christ and seeking his will in this life, that all my needs will be given to me.

This doesn't mean however that I am to just quit my job, stop paying my student loans, and say "well, I trust God so I'm going to just let him take care of this." I truly believe that working is a gift from God and that he is helping me with things of this world by giving me a job. I trust God 100%, and if he said 'quit your job and follow me" I'd like to think that I would. But God calls us to things and gives us open doors to places that we might not have ever have dreamed of. I never thought that I would be working in an office, but yet God lead me here.

So my friends, I hope you have a worry free day filled with God's love! As I wrap this up, I just want to pray over all of you.

Dear heavenly Father, we thank you so much for the gift of your word and your promises. Help me to continue to follow your words of guidance and to keep helping others follow those words. Lord, you are such a mighty God and I just praise you for taking the worry and anxiety from me that I have struggled with for so long. Help me to continue to be anxiety free and to keep following you. I pray a blessing over all the people reading this from all over the world, that they may know your love for them and that they know your son Jesus died for their sins! Father, we love you, and it's in your name we pray. Amen

God Bless You
Amanda

Just Be Held

As I'm sitting at work listening to my Third Day Pandora station and stuffing 130 envelopes for clients, I was thinking and contemplating what to blog about next. This blog is mostly my struggle with PCOS and how I'm walking with God through it all, and to compliment that perfectly, the song Just Be Held by Casting Crowns comes on. All I can remember is the story that Mark Hall (the lead singer of Casting Crowns) told before singing this song at Soul Fest.

He told us about how each song that he has written (or that he has co-written) has had a story behind it. The song Thrive came from his youth group, as most of his songs do being a youth pastor. He told about how the song "Praise You in the Storm" was about us looking up to God and just surrendering in every season of our life, rain or shine. Then when he started to talk about Just Be Held, he got very quit. The song is basically God's perspective of "Praise You in the Storm", kind of a call and response. But what got me was when Mark said, "When I wrote this song a few years ago, it was the only song I'd written that there wasn't a story behind it, or someone I was writing it for. It wasn't until this year I realized I was writing it for myself!" As some of you may know, Mark was diagnosed with cancer back in March and had to have one of his kidney's removed.

When I listen to Just Be Held now, all I can think of is the trouble I'm going through now, but that Mark went through two years of not knowing why he was writing this song, and then realizing it was for him. Not for a friend, not for someone in the crowd that night, but for himself. I think that sometimes we forget about ourselves. We get so wrapped up in helping others that we forget to help ourselves. And the first verse of that song really hits home for me and the season I've been going through.

"Hold it all together, everybody needs you strong.
But life hits you out of nowhere and barely leaves you holding on.
When you're tired of fighting, chained by your control.
There is freedom in surrender, lay it down and let it go."

Everything about this just resonates with me. I have always tried to be that strong person for everyone else. When bad times hit, I am the one that is being leaned on. I'm the one everyone's calling for advice and looking for help. So being on the other end of things is really hard for me. But that last line, "There is freedom in surrender, lay it down and let it go." I think that just hits home with me. It's hard to give up stuff, physical and emotional. It's hard to let go of those negative thoughts that can surround you when you don't see God answering your prayers the way you want them to be. There isn't freedom in doing it your own way. There isn't freedom in saying "well, if God's not going to do it, I am." There IS freedom in surrendering to Christ!!! Surrendering all your baggage, all your sin, all your troubles. Surrender your illnesses to him. Surrender your depression, your anxiety, your self esteem issues, your addictions. Leave them all at the cross!

In Matthew 4:19, Jesus tells us to follow him and he will make us fishers of man. I hope that if I hear the call to stop what I'm doing and to just follow Jesus, that I will do so. I have in the past, and I hope that in my days to come I will remain as faithful to him as he is to me!

All of this isn't something that typically just happens over night for most of us. All it takes is a moment to lay your sins down at the throne of Jesus, and all it takes is a moment to pick them back up again. Once you lay down your sin, your disease, and everything else, you have to continually lay them down! I have laid down my PCOS at that cross so many times, but somewhere along the line, I think I can handle it all on my own, and I pick up that burden again and it weighs me down again. And I do this more times than I'd like to admit. So this isn't just to encourage you, but to encourage and remind myself too that I need to keep laying my burdens at the cross and follow Jesus.

So ladies and gentleman, keep your heads up, keep your dreams big, and keep on loving Jesus!
God Bless
Amanda