The Post Written On Hold

I can't even begin to write this post. It's been the hardest two days emotionally that I think I've had the past two years of trying to get pregnant. I've been pretty low when I see that negative test, or when I start a new cycle, but man today has been the worst day. Let me fill you in.

I started my not so monthly friend yesterday after taking medicine to kick start so that we can start our IUI. I was so excited. I've been so joyous and excited for the past few weeks since hearing we'd be doing an IUI. Yesterday, as per doctors orders, I called to tell them it was day 1 and that I needed to schedule day 3 blood work and ultrasound just to make sure my body is ready to go for this months crazy medicine and procedures. I called, they called back leaving a message "We have a prior authorization on the Ovidrel (the trigger shot that I'll do in a few weeks) but I'm not sure if that's approved yet, but I know the Letrozol is all set."

I'll give you a hint. The Letrozol is NOT all set.

Between yesterday and today, I've probably made about 15 phone calls. Yesterday morning I couldn't even find a phone number for Caremark, so I googled, like every sane person does. Found out it was part of CVS pharmacy, so I called my local CVS where I've been getting prescriptions for years. Guess what, they don't have it. They say to call Caremark, but don't have a number for them, that it's on the back of my insurance card.

I'll give you a hint. It's not on the back of the insurance card.

Next step is calling my insurance provider to hopefully talk to them to get connected to Caremark. Which happens. After a lot of back and forth with them, they finally get me the number for Caremark. I'm half way through getting through to them (which is a whole hassle in itself to talk to a person) when I got a call on the other line from my boss, so I hung up.

Time to start the process over. Again.

Finally, I talk to a real human. I rejoice. I do a happy dance at my desk. I think, "Maybe I'm just getting worried over nothing!" Nope thought too soon. The first woman I talked to was very sweet, got all the information she needed, said that pending approval from the doctor that the medicine would be to me in 5 business days.

Woah woah woah. First of all, back up a few paragraphs where it said "the Letrozol is all set and the Ovidrel was still waiting on the prior approval". So I told them I'd call the doctor to approve it, and then I'd call to have it rush shipped because I needed it by day 3.

Thus began my back and forth between the Dr's office and Caremark. Because the doctor says they have sent the prescription into them to have sent to me, and Caremark says they only have one. It was a long day yesterday and the doctor said "Let's just give it the night and call first thing tomorrow to see if everything went through"

Since I'm writing this post, you can probably assume that things didn't go through.

This morning I called Caremark to check and see what was going on. I was on the phone for 25 minutes with them (mostly on hold or being transferred to a different department) just to be sent back to my local CVS who, guess what, don't have my prescription.

This is the part of my story where I lose it.

I cried. I texted Mike asking if we really wanted to have kids, because I feel like a failure and defeated right now. I cried. I snapchatted my closest friends saying I felt defeated. I posted on facebook needing scripture and quotes. My TTC Instagram Tribe was right there to comfort me, as only women going through infertility can do.

I picked myself up, and called Caremark back. Thankfully the woman I talked to this time was extremely nice. Even if she had to deliver the news that after two days of this frankly bullS***, that Caremark didn't have a prescription either!

I'm. Fuming.

So I call the Doctor. Again. And in the nicest, non threatening way say "Listen they say they don't have the prescription at Caremark. I need you to call it into them and get this figured out. Call me back at my work number."

Which they did call me back. And said that the Ovidrel prescription had the Letrozol on it as well!!! But that they would try to send it into the local pharmacy rather than through Caremark and would call me back.

WHY DIDN'T WE SEND IT LOCALLY TO BEGIN WITH.

This is where my story ends for now at 11:33 am EST. No word on whether I'll have a prescription to take tomorrow or not. I feel forgotten. I feel defeated. The hope I've had the past few weeks is gone. It's not how I wanted to start this cycle. And yet here I am. I'm not going to sugar coat it and say "everything will be ok". I'm human. I have real emotions, and feel hopeless. I continue to just pray that this works. That all of this isn't for nothing.

Baby Hyde, you are loved so much before you are even created. You have so many people rooting for you. Your Heavenly Father is forming you to be such a wonderful child of God. Mommy and Daddy can't wait to know you someday.

Also you better be pretty dang cute after all of this.

Blessings, Peace, and Love,
Amanda

UPDATE (Thursday 6/16)

Praise the sweet lord!!!! I just got the phone call from CVS saying that my prescription is ready for pick up!!!! I can't even begin to contain my joy.

UPDATE (Monday 6/20)

It has been 5 days since my original heart breaking calls to Caremark. I am on day 4 of 5 of my Letrozole so the emotions and hot flashes are starting to take over, but I noticed on Friday that my account still had an order for the Letrozole. I called to see why it was on my online account when I had already picked it up at CVS, not even had it shipped through Caremark, and the man on the other end of the phone said "Oh there's nothing on your account so it probably just hasn't been updated"

Because I'm a smart young woman, I saw that the date it was going to start being processed was today, the 20th, so I said "I'm going to call first thing Monday morning to make sure this is all taken care of." So I call as soon as I get to work, and the nice man on the other end of the phone said "I don't see that order number on your account so you're all set."

Something told me to call back. So a few hours later (about 11 AM) I call back. I give this next man my information. I swear I should just state my name birthday and address to start off with since I know that's what they're going to ask for every single time. He says "I don't see this medicine on your account but maybe it isn't classified as a specialty medicine (where I had been calling the past few times). He sent me to a woman in just their normal pharm. department. She see's the prescription right there on her screen and says "Well you have the ovidrel scheduled to be dropped off at your house tomorrow, and the Letrozole is currently being dispensed.

Excuse me what? Last week you couldn't find that prescription so I had to run around like a mad woman to get it through my pharmacy rather than through them so what gives??

I told her it needed to be canceled and that I need to be refunded the money on my account. She asked why, and I very, semi-politely, informed her that last week they couldn't find this prescription so I had to call back and forth half a dozen times between them and my RE to get the prescription filled through a local pharmacy and not mailed out. I told her I have already been taking the medicine, and that I only needed 5 days of medicine, not the 90 days supply that they were in the process of shipping to me,

Yes, you heard that right. 90. Day. Supply. That's 18 cycles of pills. A year and a half supply. What?? Where the heck did they get the idea that I needed 18 months of pills????

Any ways, after spending a long time on hold (shocker, I know) the woman informs me that they have contacted the department to stop the order but that there is no guarantee that the order will be stopped. If the order isn't stopped, when it arrives at my house, I'm not to open the box and to call them and ask them if I can ship it back since I will not be using it.

I can guarantee you if it gets shipped to my house they will not take it back.

I told her I would call back this afternoon to get an update on what's happening and she said "Oh I would wait at least until tomorrow afternoon to call and see what's happened, it can take a while for these orders and requests to be processed."

You can bet your butt that when I get out of work at 3 today I will be calling and getting this taken care of. If it takes almost two full days to get an order prepped and ready, they can stop it in that time.

I am frustrated. I am quite frankly pissed off. I don't want to have to keep dealing with all of this bologna with the medicine. Although, if this IUI doesn't work, I'll have plenty of medicine to take the following month! *insert a video of me rolling my eyes for an hour here*

UPDATE (6/20 12:07 PM)

My bank account no longer shows a pending transaction, and my online order shows it is being canceled. Let's see if this sticks.