Answering the Hard Questions

I figured I'd give an update, answer some questions I know people have been either wondering or asked, and really just keeping everyone in the loop.

What are our next steps? Didn't you just have an appointment with your RE?

Why yes, we did just have our appointment with our RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) on Monday. After looking at all of my blood work and tests (which by the way all came back great except for the whole PCOS thing) and looking at Mike's test (everything is looking good on his end as well) we have decided to go with doing a cycle with Intrauterine insemination (IUI). When we went to the RE's, we were expecting to only be doing a medicated cycle like we had been doing before, and I was pretty excited to hear that she wanted to take it to the next step and do the IUI. 

What in the heck is an IUI?

So the IUI is going to give us a higher chance of pregnancy. Rather than just taking the medicine to make me ovulate, I will be taking the medicine to ovulate, I'll be monitored to see exactly when my eggs are mature, Mike gets to give me a trigger shot of hCG to get the ovulation process moving, and then they'll do the procedure 24-48 hours later. Where In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) is taking the eggs out, and making the embryo outside of the body, IUI is injecting like a turkey baster (Thank you Jane the Virgin for making IUI a household name).

*Also side note, this procedure, especially because of my age, the medicine I'm going to be taking, and the amount of eggs I have has a higher percentage of resulting in multiples*

So, how are you dealing with all of this Amanda?

Great question. I have no idea. I'm excited to have answers (mostly good), and a plan going forward. I'm happy that we are one step closer to becoming pregnant. It's all every new to me, but the idea that I actually could be pregnant after 2 of the longest years ever? That's what's making it all worth it. I'm scared for it not to work. After now almost 5 months of not being concerned with trying since I don't ovulate on my own, I don't want to get myself worked up and so overly hopeful that this will be it. I don't want the past 5 months to be for nothing. I want this to work. But how am I going to deal with that heart break AGAIN?

And yet, how am I going to deal with actually being pregnant?? The idea of actually being pregnant somewhat frightens me. Not because I'm not ready to be a mother, but after all this time of waiting and trying and tests and countless days and nights crying and praying, what if I'm not up to it? What if something happens? The joy that I've been wanting for so long can just as easily be taken away. And I'm not sure how I would handle that emotionally, especially after waiting and trying and praying for so long.

When does all this kick off?

Well, I'm currently taking Provera to get the next cycle started (probably by next Wednesday if I had to guess) and then we'll be on our way! I'll be spending a lot of time driving the 25 minutes to the RE office for blood work, ultra sounds, and then ultimately the procedure (if I can even call it that. It's a very easy process). From starting my Provera to going in for blood work to see if I'm pregnant, should be about 35 or so days! It's absolutely mind blowing to me that in a little more than a month, I could be pregnant. *See previous paragraph about my holy crap I could actually be pregnant soon freak out*

Wait, so you won't be getting pregnant the natural way? Is that against your religion or something?

Mike and I had a conversation in the car on the way home from the RE on Monday about this. Is it how we would have expected our story to go when we got married? Not at all. Is it possible that we could get pregnant without the medicine, the procedures, the shots, the invasiveness of it all? I would never doubt God to say that it's impossible, but it would be highly unlikely. Aren't there some churches that don't believe in this sort of thing? Yes. Yes there are. Our personal beliefs however are that God wouldn't have created people in his image to become doctors to learn new procedures and find new ways to help people in my situation to get pregnant if he didn't want us to use those ways. Just like with Cancer doctors, they were put here to save lives. My RE was put here to CREATE lives!!!

How can we be praying for you as you move forward?

We could use all the prayers we can get right now. Between my already emotional self who cries at commercials, I'm undoubtedly going to be very emotional over the next month or so. Praying for those emotions to not consume my life would be great, but also for Mike's sanity. I know it's easy in this part of the process to be praying just for myself that the procedure works and that I get pregnant, but I wouldn't be half the person I am if it wasn't for the support of my husband and he could use prayers through this time too. Even though the process is physically happening in my body, he has to deal with a lot of other things on top of this. Putting up with me is a full time job in itself BEFORE adding hormones into my body, and he actually works a full time job on top of that! So praying for Mike as he "watches from the sidelines" sort of speak and that he is able to be a strong support for the next month as I go through being poked and prodded and injected and wait.

My biggest prayer request is just to see God throughout all of this. It's hard to see what the purpose of all this waiting has been. It's hard to know WHY we haven't gotten pregnant yet, and it's even harder to not be angry or doubt God. I think we're both in a very vulnerable place where it would be so easy to just say "God you aren't giving me the desires of my heart, why can't you just________" and that is Satan trying to take over. So be praying for our spiritual well being.


Well, I think that's really all I have to say for now! We are so excited to be starting on a new chapter of this infertility journey. If you aren't already, feel free to follow my Instagram page dedicated just to this chapter of our lives @amandasttc or if you're my friends from Instagram (Hey guys! Love you!) feel free to add me on facebook!

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." - Deuteronomy 31:6

XOXO
Amanda