Isaiah 56

Before I get this blog post started, I just wanted to share this beautiful photo of how amazing the snow looked on Friday from my apartment's porch.

And now, onto the real blog post!

Yesterday was a pretty emotional day for me.

I didn't wake up expecting it to be an emotional day. I actually woke up in a great mood. I was ready to go to church, pumped for lunch with friends, and for a relaxing day with the hubby.

And then I entered the doors of our church.

Let me just say that I love my church. I love being able to lead worship and go to a bible study. But some of the best moments in my church is when I just stop my busy mind and just listen. That's what happened to me yesterday.

Back story. I had a talk with my doctor on Friday and they put me on my last round of Clomid (yup, still not pregnant.) so I was a little emotional already not knowing what would happen if this round didn't work. The Clomid makes me a little (ok very) emotional, and so I should have known that I was going to break down at church. I knew we were starting a new series called "Pray for One", focusing on how we can be praying for one person daily for interactions with them to show them Christ's love and to help them find Christ. I thought I was in the clear. "Oh, this sermon is about focusing on other people, that means the whole service is going to be more focusing outward, not inward.

Wrong.

So here I am, standing at church and the first song to be sung was "Desert Song" which is one of my favorite songs right now (pretty sure I've blogged about it too! Find it here). In the bridge is says

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

This section repeats itself many times, and this time singing it I just closed my eyes and just sang that out so loudly to God. Those words just resonated in my heart and I couldn't help but get a little tear in my eye. This phrase is so symbolic to me since I am a singer and that's my passion, the fact that I am STILL in this season of life that I thought I would be done with by now, it was just the reminder I needed to really get my head into worship and to get my heart to open and just be softened by God.

This was only the beginning of how this service transformed me.

The second song (which was sung by my awesome friend Chris who nailed it!) is called "Invitation Song." It's a new song we've been doing over the past few weeks at church and I absolutely love it. It's all about inviting the Holy Spirit into our hearts and just receiving Him with open arms. Again, the bridge is what caught me off guard and made me really stop and reflect what the words were saying on a deeper level.

Open up our eyes to see You in the ordinary
We don't wanna miss You anymore
Open every eye to see every day, everything is
Burning with the glory of the Lord

I definitely have a hard time seeing God in the ordinary moments. In the moments I'm just sitting at work, driving home from dinner, or just taking a shower. These ordinary moments are some moments that I pray God will open my eyes to see him. Because I really don't want to miss him anymore. I want to see the little miracles around the world. I want to see the "God Moments".

By this point, I am really trying hard to hold it together. Typically at church it's myself, hubby, my mom, and friends of ours who are recently married sitting together. Yesterday however we went to an earlier service and so it was just Mike and I. So I felt a little more comfortable. Not that I'm not comfortable with other people I know around me, but when it's just my husband and I, we both are just so focused on God and have no distractions or "am I doing this whole worship thing right?" pressures.

I've got everything held together. I have a little sniffle, but I have it together. And then I hear the opening piano part for "Good Good Father" and I just know that I'm done. I've pretty much decided that Good Good Father is the new "Oceans", and I am 100% ok with that because Good Good Father is just another perfect song. I get through the first verse and chorus totally fine. The worship team was killing it. It was amazing. We get to the second verse and here are the lyrics.

Oh, and I've seen many searching
For answers far and wide
But I know we're all searching
For answers only You provide
‘Cause You know just what we need
Before we say a word

"You know just what we need before we say a word." This line was where I started to cry. And not just a little tear, but the full on glasses off, uncontrollable, glad I didn't wear make up crying. I felt like I was being selfish for taking this time to always reflect on my own problems and how I can't get pregnant naturally and how it's been a long almost 2 years, but then I realize that if I'm going to help other people, I need to break down. I need to let God piece my heart back together.

And so I stood in silence for the next two chorus' and instrumental.

I literally couldn't sing. I couldn't get the words out of my mouth.

It wasn't that I didn't believe the words that he's a good good father and that we're loved by him, but I just couldn't take away from the moment. When I stood there hearing the lyrics to this chorus for what could have been the millionth time (because I listen to this song almost daily at this point), it was like God was speaking right into me. "Amanda, I am Good. I love you!"

Now by the time we get to a point I can sing we've got about one more bridge left and then the last verse which goes

You are perfect in all of Your ways
Oh, You are perfect in all of Your ways
You are perfect in all of Your ways to us

Oh, it's love so undeniable
I, I can hardly speak
Peace so unexplainable
I, I can hardly think
As You call me deeper still
As You call me deeper still
As You call me deeper still
Into love, love, love
The last verse is what really did me in. It was like I had written this last verse myself just for this moment in worship. I literally couldn't speak and my thoughts were so thrown off that I couldn't think straight.

So now I have finally gotten it together. I am only crying a little bit, and I decide to open up my bible after I've taken communion while waiting for the sermon to start. I open up to the last page I had bookmarked which was in Isaiah 56. Verses 3-5 say this

 

Let no foreigner who is bound to the Lord say,
    “The Lord will surely exclude me from his people.”
And let no eunuch complain,
    “I am only a dry tree.”

 For this is what the Lord says:

“To the eunuchs who keep my Sabbaths,
    who choose what pleases me
    and hold fast to my covenant—
 to them I will give within my temple and its walls
    a memorial and a name
    better than sons and daughters;
I will give them an everlasting name
    that will endure forever.

 

I needed the reminder that I am a daughter of God and that he will be there for me not only all the days of my life here on Earth, but for eternity to come!

Even though my day started off in a very emotional way, it really opened up my eyes and heart to new things this week. It really softened my heart and encouraged me to just say "I'm here Lord. Use me for your kingdom! Use my pain to show the world that you are here with us and you are good!" So that is my challenge to you this week. As followers of Christ, let's open our hearts and just pray more to God this week and read more in our bibles. Let's lift each other up rather than tear each other down. Let's keep calm, because God is here with us every second of every day!

 

 

I hope everyone has an uplifted week and that you are able to find encouragement in the season you're in from this blog!

 

God Bless

Amanda