Live Your Story

'"For I know the plans I have for you" declares the lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."'- Jeremiah 29:11

Good morning my friends! I hope everyone is enjoying their week so far! I know that I'm having a very good, but long, week this week. Mostly that's because I'm going away with girlfriends this weekend to just relax and enjoy each other's company and I can't wait!!! But I'm also excited because I got a new coloring book and it's been awesome! I know what you're thinking "Amanda, you're really going to do a blog post on a coloring book?"

Just hang in there with me guys.

This adult coloring book (which PS I love that adults get coloring books aimed at them now because as much as I love coloring Disney Princesses, sometimes a girl wants something a little more age appropriate) is called Joy For the Journey, which is obviously why I initially chose it. It was smaller than my current coloring book so I was a little skeptical, but something about the title just caught my eye. This coloring book was just screaming out to me to look at it. I'm SO glad I did because it has all different scriptures (my current book is just the Psalms) and it just was very me.

 

 

The First Page

It is just very simple, but still has a lot of little details that make them awesome! This one has the scripture 1 John 4:8 which says "Those who do not love do not know God because God is love." which was an awesome way to start my night last night. Sometimes I can't wrap my head around why some people are so negative and have so much hatred in their hearts, and then I remember this verse. Those that don't love don't know God, because God is love. When these attacks happen around the world, or people are emotionally attacking others on Facebook, I have to step back and really look at the problem. The problem isn't just that they're bitter, it's that they don't have Jesus. They don't have God on their side.

 

 

 

The Second Page 

I draw so much hope from this page. When I turned the page after finishing my first coloring page and saw the phrase "Live Your Story" I couldn't help but to think of the song My Story by Big Daddy Weave. When I saw them for the first time at Soulfest 2015, this song had just started being played on the radio, so not many people knew it when they started singing it. Me on the other hand? I sang along to every word in the front row. And ironically in the music video they use a typewriter, so that makes it really ironic.

 

My favorite line in the song is "If I should speak, then let it be of the grace that is greater than all my sin...Oh to tell you my story is to tell of Him".

 

I was chatting with a woman yesterday who also is going through fertility issues almost the exact amount of time I have been, and who happens to be on the same cycle day as I am this cycle, and she was having a hard night. She told me that she has had a hard time with the God factor of her infertility, because why would God allow us to have these diseases and these problems when all our heart desires is a child. The conversation went back and forth, but this song was still stuck in my head "To tell you my story is to tell of Him" and that's what I told her! Maybe God isn't performing those instant miracles because he wants our story to tell of Him and His goodness!

 

I really believe that God is using my diagnosis not to hinder me, but to build me closer to him and to connect with people and show them His love! I have been trying to get pregnant for a little under 2 years, and my faith and trust in God has grown so much in the past 2 years. I never thought this would be our life, but I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. If putting me through pain and struggles is what it was going to take to trust God fully then I'll take that pain any day!

 

I don't have a HUGE following on my blog (compared to some blogs out there) but I check to see how many people are reading my posts and where they're from. I know that people from the US are reading (since it's where I live and I have friends who read it) but I was SHOCKED to see people all over the world read too! I tried to find every country that read this blog, which actually is impossible because if I look at the "all time views" it only shows me the top 10 viewed countries, so I had to do a little digging, but these were the other countries I found represented in the past few weeks: Russia, Sweden, Canada, Germany, Austria, United Kingdom, Iceland, Netherlands, France, Indonesia, Slovakia, Poland, United Arab Emirates, Columbia, and India. I was absolutely shocked to see all these countries that I'm reaching with my story. Not just my story of infertility, but the amazing grace of God. If I was able to reach one person who might not have heard the love of Jesus, then all the pain and suffering and pills and tests and blood work that goes along with infertility will be worth it.

 

In Matthew 28:19 Jesus says "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit." and that is EXACTLY what I am trying to do. If Jesus wants me to go out and made disciples of all nations, then that's what I'm going to do. It might not be me physically going to all these different nations, but if I'm able to reach at least 15 countries with the word of God, then I'd say I'm living out that commandment pretty well.

 

I'm going to leave you with one last scripture, the scripture that goes along with my next coloring page "Israel, put your hope in the LORD, for with the LORD is unfailing love and with him is full redemption." -Psalm 130:7

 

God Bless

Amanda

 

 

 

 

When Oceans Rise

Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)- Hillsong United

One of the number one worship songs. It has reached the top of the charts. We sing it at church. Pretty much every Christian band has made a cover of this song. But are we as worship leaders listening to the words we're singing? Are we listening with open hearts and open minds and believing the words we're singing? Are our friends sitting at the church hearing our hearts?

 

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

 

 

Guys, I'm going to have a hard time writing this post. This song really just gets me right in all the feels. Yup. I just said in all the feels.

 

 

God has called us out on the ocean. Matthew 14:28-31 is that call. The disciples on the boat have such little faith and don't believe it is Jesus, and so Peter says "if it's really you Jesus, tell me to come on the water with you." Of course, Jesus says "come on Peter the water's fine!" For those of you who know this story, you know that Peter starts losing faith when he see's the strong winds coming and starts to sink. I know that I, very often, also lose my faith. I know that God is calling me out on the ocean to walk with him, but it can be so easy to just think "No, I'm safe in this boat, why do I have to come walk on the water where there is wind, and sinking, and where I know I will drown??"

 

Guys, we are called to do so much more than sit in the boat.

 

 

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

 

We are all God's children. And He is our heavenly father. No matter what life throws at us, this will never change. "When oceans rise my soul will rest in your embrace." This is the season I am in now and that I have to remind myself to keep my eyes above the waves in a sense. I can see the storm. I can feel it. I am Peter right now. And yet, here I am, taking those scary steps toward Jesus.

 

 

Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

 

This may arguably be one of my favorite lines in any song ever. I just can't get over how powerful these words are. When I start to sink, when I feel engulfed in the waves, when I let fear overcome my life, there you are, ready to pull me back up. You've never failed and you won't start now. Why would Jesus decide now is the time to let you down? Why would Jesus say "Actually I'm going to let you sink today?" If you feel like you've sunk and Jesus isn't there, you need to evaluate what's going on because those thoughts that Jesus isn't with you is straight from the Devil. Those words are not those of Jesus. "I will never leave you nor forsake you" (Deuteronomy 31:6)

 

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me

I really want to take time in the bridge here. The first half of the bridge is one of the most convicting parts of this song and if you're really listening and have your heart open you will start to feel the way I feel when I sing this section. It really is a prayer. Lead me where my trust is without boarders. Do you know how hard that can be? To just trust so openly that there's no way you could ever NOT trust? I know from the outside I lead this life of trusting God whole heartedly, but that just simply isn't true. Do I trust God? Absolutely. Do I think I'm ready to walk upon the waters WHEREVER he calls me? Yup! Would I? Ehhhh.....

Trusting God fully in situations is hard. When life is easy, saying you have full trust in God's plan is so easy, because everything is good. Of course you are going to trust Jesus, he's letting everything go so well right now!

But what about when the storms hit? When someone dies, when you get a diagnosis, when you lose your job. Will you still have the same (if not more) trust in Christ that he will lead you through these bad times? I know it's been quite a road of trusting God these past 2 years of infertility (and only knowing the actual cause for a year). I also know now that God is still good and is still by my side and that I have trust in him because he's called me to this.

 Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

 

I'm not sure why yet, but the waters that he has called me to walk upon is infertility. Is it because he wants me to be sad and not have a child? Absolutely not. But maybe he's putting me through this situation for so that I can spend this time getting closer to Him. Isn't that the whole reason we're created, to live and love like Jesus? I wasn't born to go to school, get married, have kids, work, travel, etc. etc. I was born to find Christ and follow him. Everything else is just a gift from him.

Maybe I'm going through this to build up my marriage even more. Strong marriages are built up not because of happiness, but because of faith in Christ, and certainly the past 2 years have been a lot of putting faith in Christ. A baby won't make our marriage stronger (though it could), but ultimately, following Christ will.

Or lastly, maybe I'm called to infertility because it will help you. It will help the man or woman reading this right now to realize they aren't alone. They aren't the only one struggling through this. Or maybe you aren't going through fertility issues, but you have other things going on. You're going through divorce, or you had to foreclose on your house, or maybe someone died suddenly and you aren't sure where to turn. And seeing that I can have faith and trust in God through my hard time can show you that you can too.

God is making me SO much stronger in all of this. That's basically what I'm trying to say with the second half of this bridge. I never thought that infertility would happen to me. I never thought I'd be called to do the things that I do in my every day life, and yet here I am, just following Christ's will for my life.


I know this song can be a lot. It can be a lot to ask someone to trust without boarders, to walk off the edge of our boats and follow Jesus on the water. But yet here we are, being called everyday. Are you following that call? Have you stepped off of the boat?

Today as I sit in my 20th month of trying to get pregnant (pushing 21) I just pray that I am following him. I am jumping off my boat and following his will. I know that I can't control everything. So I'm leaving my fertility issues on that boat and just following Jesus where ever he sends me. Do I hope that he sends me to another boat with a positive pregnancy test? Of course. But even if it's another failed attempt month, I'm going to still go running.

I leave you with this scripture:

"The voice of the LORD is over the waters; the God of glory thunders, the LORD thunders over the mighty waters." -Psalm 29:3

God Bless,
Amanda

 



Dear Women with PCOS

To the woman with PCOS,

Today was a hard day, wasn't it? Another friend on Facebook shared that they are expecting. You went to the grocery store and every woman you passed either was pregnant or had a child/children. You turned on the TV and "19 Kids and Counting" was on. You change the channel and its "Teen Mom". Your whole world is just surrounded by the one thing you want most. Everywhere you look, it's just baby baby baby. 

If you're like me, you dread going on social media during the holidays because you know that's when all the cute pregnancy announcements are going to happen. You like your 17th picture of an ultrasound with a Santa hat, and wish them a quick "congrats" in the comments, while you secretly are trying not to cry. 

Dear woman, you are not alone. I have walked where you are walking. I have hurt in all the same ways you are hurting. Sadly, I continue to know this pain all too well. I know how hard it is to see people "accidently" get pregnant and question "why them and not me? I'm trying so hard, and they weren't and yet they get the one thing I'd do anything for." Don't beat yourself up over this. Every child is a miracle, whether you and I can see that or not. The woman who is in an abusive situation pregnant with her 6th child and lives off of food stamps might not think their child is a miracle because it "just happened" but that child is. And our children, which may take years to come, will be just as much of a miracle as theirs are. 

I wish someone had told me when I got married that getting pregnant doesn't just happen. Sometimes it does, but most of the time it doesn't. If you were lucky enough to get pregnant your first month trying, or on your honeymoon, I hope you realize how lucky you are. For me, I didn't know this, but it was unrealistic. It wasn't until I was married a year that I even knew something was wrong. I knew you were suppose to have 28 day cycles, but when you're in college and only having 4 periods a year, that didn't sound so bad. I could have had a diagnosis 5 years ago, but didn't go to the doctors. I also had doctors for 2 years tell me it was just stress from planning a wedding, moving, work, etc. 

Ladies, please, if you are having irregular periods, please please please see your doctor. Finding out early makes this all easier because when the time does come to try and have a baby, you'll know up front, not a year into it. 

If you are struggling with infertility, PCOS, anything, I really sincerely want you to know that I am here for you to talk whenever you need someone to just cry to. If you need someone who just gets it, I'm just a message/text/phone call away. You are not alone. 

To the Man behind the Woman,

Men, you have no idea what your support means to your woman. We know that you have no idea what we're talking about half the time. We know that you really don't want to hear all the details of the first 5-10 days of our cycle. But you listen. You listen with open ears and open hearts and just let us talk. 

PCOS is so hard on us women, and having a strong leader in the home makes going through it that much better. Knowing that after we see that pregnancy announcement, or getting that phone call from a relative, that you are there with open arms to just hold us and say "we'll have our miracle" is what we need. 

I have no way of thanking you men for all you do for us. The little things. The words of encouragement. The reminder that God is still working on us and loves us even when we can't see it is exactly why God put you men in our lives. It takes a strong woman to go through PCOS, but an even stronger man to stand beside her and fight with her.

Ladies and Gents, I hope you're encouraged today, and I leave you with this 

 “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.”

Philippians 4:6-7

God bless you this day and everyday!

Amanda 

Faith

Good morning from a very cold New Hampshire. When I left for work today it was 7 degrees out. I am not a fan of the cold, especially when it's THAT cold. But yet here I am, at work, processing checks and printing out reports for clients, with the sweet sound of instrumental versions of some of my favorite Christian songs play in the background. As I'm chatting with a few friends, I realize that I just need to write. Today, as much as I love my readers, this writing is for me.

 

This hasn't been the easiest of weeks. I found out before Christmas that a guy from my old church had passed away. I am still pretty numb to it. He helped with the drama shows that my mom participated in every year for 10 years. He had a son. He had a life. It really does show that you never know when your last day, or someone else's last day, could be. I don't want to say live each day like it's your last, because if we all did that, well then we'd never work, and we'd all be at Disney World right now. But I will say this. Don't stop living your life.

 

I know we all have our days/weeks/months/years where we just feel down. I know I have those days a lot. Days where I just feel defeated. Days where I'm not living my life. I'm going to work, doing my desk job, coming home, watching TV, then going to bed. I'm not trying to be mean or offensive, but what kind of life is that? I know on those days when I just do my "regular routine" they can be some of my hardest emotional days. Just laying on the couch watching reality shows for hours isn't how I want to be remembered. I want to be remembered as the woman who went out and did something. The woman who was active physically and spiritually.

 

What am I going to do TODAY that starts my path of a life worth remembering? Well, for starters, as much as I'd love to go home and finish the last few episodes I have left in Gilmore Girls, I think I'll go and read. Read my bible, read my Laura Story book, read my Brant Hansen book. Maybe I'll plug in a relaxing playlist on spotify and just pray. Or do some yoga. Or exercise. Yes, I just said I might go home and exercise. I know. Crazy.

 

So where is all this coming from you might ask? Well, I was on new medicine last Tuesday-Saturday and let me tell you, it's been messing with my emotions. I am on cycle day 96 and hopefully this medicine is going to get me back to day 1 and back on clomid! I have been feeling kind of crummy today physically so I'm hoping that the medicine is working! But being pumped with medicines really can get me emotional, as many of you probably know from knowing me in real life. Hormones being put into your body that aren't normally there definitely can make you emotional. And the clomid that I'll hopefully start taking this week will be no different.

 

As 2016 is starting, I knew I needed to do something different this year. I needed to keep my eyes fixed on God. But how? In a world with such negativity, in my own selfish mind, how was I going to be able to focus less on myself, my worries, my desires, and focus on Christ?

 

Faith

This year, I have chosen to have a word. A word to focus on and try to find every day of the year. I have a friend who for the past few years has found a new word to focus on each year, and because I'm a copy cat, I'm doing the same. That's where faith comes in. What word could be more fitting to focus on and to find in my daily life for 2016?  Let me give you a few reasons as to why I chose faith.

 

-Mark 10:52" "Go," said Jesus, "your faith has healed you." Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus along the road."

 If a blind man can have faith in someone he can not see to give him sight, than surely I can trust in God, whom I can not physically see, to give me sight, that is to see him. But also in the physical sense, this man who was blind his whole life had faith in Jesus and was given the ability to see. Surely if my faith is in Christ and not of this world, my faith can heal me as well.

 

-Matthew 17:20 "He replied, "Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.""
How crazy is this to think of? Do we really have so much as a mustard seed of faith to call upon Christ? We aren't to test God and say "well if you're real than do this" but we are told to have such faith in him that we can confidently say to a mountain "move" and it will. That mountain for me, is getting pregnant. I should have such faith in God that I can say, I will get pregnant this year. But then doubt and fear comes trickling in, and Satan just tries his hardest to hold his grip on me. 2016 is the year I stop letting fear stand in my way of saying "Hey, see that mountain? I'm going to move it with God by my side!"

 

-Hebrews 11:1 "Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see"

This pretty much wraps up the Mark 10 and Matthew 17 verses into one very short and precise verse. I have loved this verse for a long time. It is the verse that is on the front of my bible holder. I see it every day. And yet it's taken me 3 years to really listen to the words and understand what it's saying. We need faith to be confident. We need faith to help assure ourselves of the things we can't see. I need this faith when it comes to every aspect of my day, and really, of my life.

 

For years I have wanted to get a tattoo that says "With Faith Comes Hope" and just haven't found the time to get one, haven't had the money, or have second guessed where I would get it or if I really wanted it to begin with. I think that 2016 is the year I'm going to get it. I have been wanted to get it with a daffodil, but that might change. If you recall one of my original posts about the Thrive tree from Casting Crowns, I think that tree really could look nice with "With Faith Comes Hope" but we'll see. But this is the year I get it. This is the year that I have faith so strong that nothing can stop me, and that God will provide. Not because he has to, but because he loves me, and I know he wants to!

 

Have a blessed day, and a faithful 2016!

Amanda