Disney 2018 (Day 1&2)

WOW!!! We just got back from JP's first trip to Walt Disney World, and my heart is just so full. A week off with my amazing husband, miracle son, and my awesome mom was just what we all needed. But add in the magic of Disney, and you get a dream come true trip.

Night 1: Our Flight to Orlando
Our flight was set to leave Manchester just before 6 pm. I was nervous about flying with Josiah for the first time, but we had somehow gotten into boarding group A, so at least I knew we'd all be sitting together.

Josiah was running around the terminal as we awaited our plane to arrive. When we started to board, we noticed that there really weren't that many people waiting at the gate. As we got onto the plane, the flight attendant told us "Just be prepared, it's a really full flight. There's a whole 18 of you flying to Orlando."

PHEW.

At least if Josiah freaks out this whole flight, we're only ruining 14 people's days and not 175.

So we got ourselves situated in Row 1 with the extra leg room, laughing about how we could all have our own row separated by a row and there'd still be unused rows, and up we went. Josiah half nursed, but was really just interested in what was going on. The rest of the flight? Well, he sat on the floor by our feet with toys, food, and for a brief period of time, Moana. He did wonderfully. A few little spats of cries, but it was more from us not letting him go running around the airplane. We landed in Orlando and headed to the Pop Century Resort. Mike and I ended up going to the food court and getting our refillable mugs for the week and a small dinner, then headed back to crash and get ready for our amazing week ahead...

Day 1: Magic Kingdom and EPCOT- Dapper Days!

The big day had finally arrived. Our first day at Disney. I was beyond excited. Mom was probably the most excited though, as she hadn't been to Magic Kingdom since 2010 for my 18th birthday, and had only been to Magic Kingdom one other time before that when she was a kid. We all got our dapper outfits on (except Mike because it was HOT out that Sunday), and headed out to Magic Kingdom. We arrived, dancing as we entered through those gates, and, well, I'll let mom's face tell the rest.

We were all a bit emotional heading down Main Street, USA, but moms tears of joy and pure excitement had us all tearing up a bit. Heck, I'm tearing up now too!

At the castle awaited our friends from home and their kids. We had our pictures taken with them, and then parted ways till later that morning. Mike and I headed over to our first ride, Space Mountain, while Mom and JP did their thing. On Space Mountain was when it finally hit that we were here. We had finally made it to Disney. 

We met up with mom, and headed to Josiah's first ride. This would set the tone for the entire trip, and so we picked the most classic Disney ride there is, Dumbo. And although his face might not show it here, he absolutely loved it, and it would soon become a favorite ride of his.  After Dumbo, we made our way to the New Fantasy Land and got some breakfast. I can't remember what sort of wrap/ sandwich Mike got, because all I can think of is the Gaston Cinnamon Roll. It was HUGE, delicious, and super inexpensive. Mom and I split it and man was it good.

From there, we went on Little Mermaid, the Carousel, Peter Pan's Flight, and then made our way back to the castle to see one of the stage shows with our friends.  I of course, made Mike and Mom stop and take pictures at the famous "Purple Wall" since I'm a super basic white girl at Disney.

Before leaving Magic Kingdom to head to EPCOT for the official Dapper Days event, we had one more stop to make. We had to see the main mouse himself. We had to meet Mickey. Josiah's face when he saw him was in complete awe. We let him get down and run to Mickey, which he did! But then Mickey said "Hi-ya Pal!" and Josiah stopped dead in his tracks, and came right back to us! He warmed up to Mickey eventually, and by the end we had a smiling, happy, excited boy who didn't want to leave! 

After an AMAZING experience with Mickey, we made our way to the Monorail to head to EPCOT for the Dapper Days festivities. There were a lot more people dressed up than I thought would be, and I was SO excited that we got to be apart of this event! 

When we got to the park, we went on The Sea's with Nemo and Friend's (another instant hit of a ride for Josiah), walked around the aquarium, and then went on Living with the Land. And of course, since we were in EPCOT, I wasn't missing the opportunity to go find the perfect photo pass location for our Dapper Days photos! And I wasn't disappointed!

 Josiah was napping during this time so he didn't get to be included in the pictures, but France was THE spot to be for Dapper Days photos!

After we had these pictures taken (some of my favorite from the week PS), we went into the France pavilion. We had to go to the bakery and get my Bacon Cheese Roll. I swear, I could eat them every day and never grow tired of them, they're SO good.!

As we continued walking through the world showcase, I noticed that there was a group of people congregating in a smaller alley way. Wouldn't you know, we finally had stumbled upon a Character Palooza (Aka when characters who aren't scheduled to be out doing Meet and Greets are). I had heard of these before but have never gotten to experience one, so this was a super exciting part of the trip for me! We got to meet Donald, Stitch, and Gideon (from Pinocchio). It was a super cool moment, and I hope on future trips we get to see this again!

We finished walking the world showcase on this super hot day, and decided it was time to head back to the hotel. We'd been out since 8 AM, and it was nearing 6 PM. We went back to the hotel where we went to the splashpad with JP. He fell in love with the water instantly! I think he would have been happy just spending our whole trip there rather than in the parks, but we obviously weren't going to let that happen!

Day 2: Animal Kingdom and Magic Kingdom

Animal Kingdom has always held such a special place in our Disney story. We were picked to be part of a parade on our honeymoon, it has my favorite roller coaster, and I'm pretty sure I bought my first pins at AK too, so to say I was excited to get back into Animal Kingdom would be an understatement. We started off our day going on Expedition Everest and going to Dino Land (which would quickly become Josiah's favorite part of AK).. He LOVED the TriceraTop Spin ride (aka dumbo but dinosaurs). I think he ended up going on this ride about a dozen times throughout our trip.

After going to the right side of the park, we made our way over to the Africa side and went on our first Safari. Watching my mom who has been to Africa on a safari, and watching my son who loves animals, was such a great experience. We got to see SO many animals, got to sit and relax for a few minutes, and then we were back on the go! We went back to Rafiki's Planet Watch for a while to get away from the crowds and break up our day a little bit.

After being in Africa for a while, we finally made our way into Pandora: The World of Avatar.

It. Was. Amazing.

Nothing could have prepared me for Pandora. It was extremely immersive, the landscaping, the sounds, the overall vibe. It just was like nothing else we've ever done. To be honest, I went in with low expectations, since EVERYONE was freaking out over how good it was. I kept thinking "ok it can't really be this good can it?" But it was. It so was. We had fast passes for the Navi River Ride this morning, and the anachronistic were like nothing we've ever seen. Josiah ended up  nursing the entire ride so I didn't get to completely focus on the ride, but it was so so so incredible. Maybe not worth the 2+ hour wait that it would be without a fast pass, but still incredible.

After that, we explored the land a little more. There is a very cool drum area where if you're lucky, some local Pandora Explorer's will come out and do a drum ceremony for you. Josiah was OBSESSED with these performers. I think he would have stayed all day and watched if we let him.


After a long, hot morning at Animal Kingdom, we made our way back to the hotel to change and take a quick nap before heading out to Magic Kingdom for one of the most special Disney moments we've ever had.

We got to MK and made our way straight back to the New Fantasy Land so that we could meet Gaston while wearing our Beauty and the Beast outfits. Gaston's Meet and Greet gets better every time we do it. His personality is as big as his muscles, and there's just no one else like him. I mean, look at him. He's just so dreamy.

After we had rushed all the way back to see Gaston, we booked it all the way back to the front of the park for what probably is my favorite Disney memory from this trip. We went all the way to the top of Main Street to the Harmony Barber Shop to get JP's hair cut! His hair wasn't overly long and really didn't NEED to be cut, but he had some little wispy hairs that bothered him around the ears, and what better place to get your hair cut than at Disney??

Well, Josiah did absolutely amazing. The woman handed him an R2-D2 toy to hold while she cut his hair and he sat there good as gold, while Mama held his body so he didn't go flying, and MeMa and Dada took video's and pictures. I didn't cry once, which is funny because I cried thinking about him getting his hair cut before. When all was said and done and he got his First Hair Cut ears, I just couldn't help but smile. Man he's so cute and now looks like a full grown toddler.



After his hair cut, I started making fast pass reservations so that we could start getting more done around the parks. We were able to do Buzz Lightyear's Space Ranger Spin, People Mover, Dumbo, Winnie the Pooh, Small World, Pirates, and even got to dance in a flash mob with the Country Bears! Lots of little magical moments thrown in, like doing the Hokey Pokey with cast members, watching Josiah's face during the drop on Pirates, and just being completely wrapped up in the Disney magic.

After a long day of play, rides, and so much fun, we made our way back to New Fantasy Land again for dinner at Be Our Guest. I am SO glad we were able to make this dream of Mom's come true. We loved our food on the last trip, and knew we had to make our way back again before it became a fixed menu starting Summer 2018. Every last bite was delicious, our waitress was one of the funniest, kindest, most amazing people we've ever met. She went above and beyond. She brought Mom and JP each a Mickey shaped "Grey Stuff" with a candle in it for their birthdays, as well as a card for each of them from Belle and the Beast! Mom full out cried, and then laughed, and then cried again. Josiah? Well, Josiah was asleep so he doesn't remember any of it, but it was a night to remember. The park closed at 10 so by the time we got out of the dinner, we had just enough time to take a few pictures with the Beast, a few shots behind the castle (my favorite view at night), and drag our super tired feet back to the hotel since we had 2 very long days coming ahead of us.

*Since the last time I tried to save this nothing saved, I'm going to post this unfinished and keep updating it, so be on the look out*

Questions in the First Year

It's incredible to think this time last year I had a new born baby who was 100% reliant on me (or Mike). If it wasn't for us, he would just lay there, and do nothing. But now, 365 days later, he can walk, take his socks off (of course), find the toys he wants to play with, read stories to himself, feed himself, and heck, he even has figured out how to get to his Mama Milk on his own if you catch my drift.

In the first year, I had a lot of questions answered, whether by trial and error, advice from friends, the internet, the doctor, random strangers at Target. You name it. I wanted to share some of the things I've learned, the questions I've had (and some answers), and just kind of see where this post goes, so hang in there!

Questions I Had

Is He Eating Enough?

I'm pretty sure every mama asks this questions a million times in the first year. When we were starting nursing and were having trouble, I asked this a LOT. He grew, and so I stopped asking for a while, but now that he's older and nursing less often and eating more solids, I come to ask myself "is he eating enough solids?" "Has he had enough milk today?" It's so hard to tell if he's "had enough" especially with breast feeding when you don't know if he's drank an oz, 5 oz, nothing. But you have to trust your body, and trust your instinct. If you don't think your baby had had enough (milk food or otherwise) offer a little more! JP is VERY good at now telling me that he's all done with dinner (aka throwing food everywhere and screaming at me!). You know your child best.

Is he doing everything that a ____ month/year old should do?

I was so worried in the beginning friends. Especially when he was under 6 months and wasn't rolling around and all his friends at school who were younger than him were, I was nervous. I thought "am I not doing enough to encourage him?" But then one day out of nowhere, he rolled. Same thing happened at 8 months with crawling. He showed so many signs of crawling and just hadn't yet. And then all of a sudden, he started. And by 10.5 months he was walking. Every child is different.

Let me repeat that.

EVERY. CHILD. IS. DIFFERENT.

JP is over a year and still doesn't sleep through the night, and I know MANY people who's children were sleeping through the night at 3 months old or even less. It doesn't mean there's anything right or wrong with either child. It just means that they sleep through the night and you don't. JP is a big boy and still nurses at night (maybe he's big because he nurses at night, but maybe he nurses at night because he's big and needs to eat more often). I have a friend who's child is 6 days younger than JP, has been sleeping through the night for a LONG time, but they just learned how to pull themselves up, while JP has been doing that for 6 months. Every child is different, and even though your app, your childs teacher, your doctor, whoever, says they should be doing something by a particular time, they may do them early, they may take a bit longer. Until a doctor brings up concerns, try not to worry!

Am I a bad Mom for ____?

First of all, I don't care what you fill in the blank there. YOU'RE NOT A BAD MOM. YOU'RE AMAZING!!! You have a tiny human to take care of and it gets stressful! Am I a bad mom for going to the bathroom and scrolling through Instagram for a few minutes while he plays with his Daddy? NO. Am I a bad mom for giving JP chocolate cheerios for a snack instead of organically grown, no HMO, gluten free, sugar free, non fat, crackers? NO. Am I a bad mom for going to work and sending him to daycare instead of staying home with him? NO. Am I a bad mom for letting him cosleep? NO. Am I a bad mom for letting him stay in his pajama's all day when he's sick? NO

You're not a bad mom. You're doing everything you can to make a tiny human happy. You're trying to keep yourself together, and your child, and your family, and it's stressful! But, you're not a bad mom! It's so easy to feel like it in the middle of things. It's easy to see other moms who are all done up with makeup on and their hair curled and a super awesome outfit on, and look at yourself and realize you haven't worn makeup in a month, you haven't showered in 3 days, and you're wearing a baggy tshirt because it's easier to nurse in. But we're all in this together mama's! We're all at different places, and we're all surviving!

What Next?

As I was writing this post, I had a lot of other ideas popping into my head. These questions I listed were the big life moment questions, but I have SO much more "advice from a new mom" that I want to share with others. I know that I can't be the only mom who is overwhelmed by it all. By all the emotions; all the STUFF. So be on the look out for a new mini series coming to the blog soon!

Xoxo

Amanda

Awkward Family Photo from Easter 

A Letter to my One Year Old

Josiah,
Today is your First Birthday!!! I have no idea where the past year has gone. People say not to blink because time will just fly by, and they weren't kidding. It feels like just yesterday you were born, all 7 lb 15 oz of you. And now here we are, a full 365 days, 24.6 pounds later. You are walking, have a few words and animal sounds, throw balls, clap your hands, and love everyone!

As I sit and watch you play with your toys and watch your imagination run wild, I can't wait to see the man you will become.

You will be passionate about people. You love to smile and wave to everyone, and everyone love you back. I hope you never stop making people smile and laugh, whether you know them or not.

You're a mama's boy when you get hurt or need a good cuddle, but you LOVE playing with your Dada! Pushing him around the living room, chasing us around the house, petting the kitties, and reading stories are some of your favorite things to do!

You have been going to youth group with Mommy and Daddy for as long as I can remember, and have gone to Sunday morning worship since you were 4 days old, and you loved it all since day 1. Our Crossway family has been such a blessing for all of us! You especially love the music, especially when Mama sings and plays, or when Glorious Day is sung!

Watching you go from this sweet, fragile, tiny baby, to the crazy, energetic, loving, playful boy you are now has been such a gift from God. Years may go by, you won't rely on Mama and Dada as much as you do now, and we'll forget about the sleepless nights, the blow outs, and the noisiest toys ever known to man all going off at the same time. But we'll never forget the miracle that you are. We'll never forget how good God is for giving us you.

The first year was amazing, and I can't wait to see what is to come in the next year!

Xoxo
Mama

355 Days

How is it than in 10 days I will have a one year old?? It seems like time has flown these past 355 days. I know this blog has taken a back burner, and that's ok because if it means I'm getting to snuggle my not so little baby, experience new things as a family of 3, or am changing him into his 3rd outfit of the day because food is way more fun to smear into our clothes than our face, than I think I get a pass on not blogging!

Life has been crazy these past 355 days. I have nursed Josiah every day for 355 days. The beginning was rough, and he was drinking pumped milk for a week or so, and was supplementing with formula maybe a bottle a day for the first few weeks, but we've nursed every single day for 355 days. I am still in awe that my body has literally kept a child growing and feeding him for a year. Breast feeding has truly been one of the best things I've gotten to experience in life. I don't think I'll be a mom who breast feeds her kids till they're 10, but he's not ready to give up nursing yet. He nurse to sleep at night and during the night for comfort, and because he's a big boy and is hungry! As much as I would love him to sleep through the night and for us ALL to get a good nights sleep, I know he isn't ready yet, and that's okay! (However he CAN go more than 3 hours at a time without eating at night, so maybe that'll change soon too)

Through these past 355 days I've learned a lot about the type of mom that I am, and the type of mom I want to be. I want to be present. I want Josiah to know, even at an early age, that I will ALWAYS be there for him. If he wants me to play blocks or read books, I will. If he want me to go for a walk to the park with him, I will. If he is in a play at school and wants me there, I'm there. Josiah, Mommy will ALWAYS make the effort.

I catch myself playing games on my phone, or scrolling through Facebook, or working on our trip to Disney, while Josiah is playing on the floor with his toys, or reading a book, or watching Mickey Mouse. And I really need to be more aware of that. When we wonder why children are 2 years old and "have" to have their own tablet to function and wonder why? It's because that's what we're showing is our own priority. If we sit with a phone in our hands, our children will want to follow in those foot steps. If we have a book in our hands, they will want to have a book with them too. What we're making our priority will form what our children' priorities are. 


Sorry for lots of babbling, and not really a clear thought. Lots going through my brain!

Here's a quick update on the almost birthday boy!

Josiah is amazing! As I said above, he is still nursing like a champ, especially at night when he doesn't like to sleep for more than 3 hours at a time. But we make it work, and I wouldn't trade it for anything (she says at 3 in the afternoon and not at 3 in the morning mind you). He eats solid foods as well. Just last night for dinner he had 3 silver dollar pancakes, 2 strawberries, and half a piece of bacon for dinner! And then nursed right afterwards too!

Josiah has some interesting words and noises. He doesn't like to show off for anyone, but he says "Mama" "Dada" "Kitty" "TeeTee" (for Tori), "No" "All done" and "ut oh". We also are working on animal noises and so he can meow, whoo like an owl, and make elephant noises. But he is a chatter box with his own noises that he doesn't stop doing unless he's eating.

He loves to play with his stacking cups, blocks, and of course, his big Mickey Mouse stuffed animal. His latest toy is his push popper that he doesn't push, rather he just carries it around the house! His favorite game to play is peek-a-boo, and "push dada around the living room floor" and "smack mama's bum while she's putting toys away".

OH DID I MENTION HE'S WALKING?
He learned around 11 months and just hasn't stopped. I'm pretty sure it's more classified as running now and not walking. He is always on the move!!!


That's enough for now. Maybe I'll have some idea's soon on things to blog about...like his first birthday and party, and our upcoming trip to DISNEY WORLD!!!

Xoxo
Amanda

After his Baby Dedication

Playing in the snow!

Fighting Fire

I've had a lot on my brain recently, and with being a new mom (PS how long can I use that excuse for?) I just haven't gotten to writing. I shared this idea with my sister and the gears in my head just finally started turning on it.


Many years ago, a friend of mine who is fighting ALS (Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis, or Lou Gehrig Disease) shared that we all are going through our own fires. For him, it was ALS. For others it might be cancer, depression, waiting for "Mr or Mrs Right". For me, it was infertility. But the point was, it didn't matter what our fire was, it was still fire. Sure, you look at cancer and see it as a forest fire, and might look at someone going through a divorce as only a kitchen stove top fire, but it's still fire none the less. And, to that point, the person going through a divorce feels as if their fire is as big as a forest fire.

The point being, we all have a fire. We all have or have had something that is so big we feel like it can't be overcome. There's been a moment, or there will be a moment where you are stuck in a fire.

And then you get out of it. 

The chemo treatment ends, you find love, you are cured, you get pregnant. You're through your fire! Yahoo!

But now what...

For me, I thought after all those years of hurting, the years of praying, the years of walking through my fire, I thought after all was said and done and I was pregnant/had a baby, it would be over. The smoke would clear, the fire would be put out, the firemen would drive away in their trucks and everything would be back to normal. I figured that pain would go away. And why shouldn't it? Your fire has been put out!

But it hasn't.

Even 10 months after having Josiah, my heart still hurts. I still feel at times that I'm walking through my fire, even though I'm out the other side. Why is that?? And then when I sat down and thought about it, it came to me. Just because my fire was put out, doesn't mean I didn't get burned.

Just because my fire was put out, doesn't mean I didn't get burned.

If you went through a physical fire, and were stuck in a building, chances are you would have burns, or trouble breathing from smoke inhalation. It could take a long time to recover from those things, and some people have lasting marks from burns on them forever. Although the scar may fade, and the breathing gets easier, they're still there. If you look closely enough, the scars are still there.

The woman in remission may be cancer free, but she still hurts and prays that it doesn't come back. She's burned from her fire,

The man who's divorce was finalized may be legally done, but he still hurts every time he drops his kids off and has to see his ex. He's burned from his fire.

The woman has her baby and is happier than ever, but she still feels that pit in her stomach for her friends who are still waiting, praying their miracles to come just as hers had. She's burned from her fire. 

Friends, I'm not perfect. Far far far from it. I have jealousy. I see people on facebook getting pregnant and I'm so happy for them, but then I wonder "How long did it take?" and my heart sinks thinking how long it took for my sweet boy to be with us, and how quick it took them. I'm overwhelmed with joy for them, but then I think of those who are still waiting and ask "why not them?"

My fire is out, but my wounds are not healed. 

This is all probably a little crazy, and I'm totally aware of that. I haven't gotten good sleep in a long time. But I just wanted to let you know, you're not alone. If you're struggling, you're not alone. If you're through your pain and trials, but still have that pit in your stomach, you're not alone. Reach out. 

I love you all!

Xo

Amanda

(PS Here's a picture of that sweet little dude)

Have We Forgotten The Point?

If you're reading this, you probably have some sort of access to Social Media (Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, SnapChat, and the like). If you're like me, you have a variety of friends on these platforms; friends from high school and college, previous coworkers, your church community, and of course your friends and family. You also are probably part of a few "Groups" or "Community Forums". Or check some sort of forums based on your interests. The one thing that all these people have in common is this: the Holiday Season.

Personal posts of the "30 Things I'm Thankful For this November", The "Elf on the Shelf Mischievousness"; pictures of your loved ones, children with Santa, Christmas Tree's, house decorations, Starbucks cups with holiday drinks, and holiday meals. These are all things we're seeing as we scroll through our various newsfeeds. And I love every single moment of it.

Until I get to THE post.

We all know the one I'm talking about.

"Looking for toy X for little Billy and they're all sold out everywhere how will he ever live without it??"

"Just paid 18 million times the regular price for this super cool toy that is all the rage for Susie."

"I can't wait to see my kids face when they see the whole room exploding with presents on Christmas Morning."

Have we forgotten the point?

I get it, we love to spoil our children! I almost always walk out of Target with SOMETHING for Josiah, whether it be a new outfit from the clearance rack, a new bath toy, or a new flavor of puffs. But when did this time of year, when we were just spending so much time talking about how thankful we were for all we have in our lives, turn into "I HAVE to get my child everything on their Christmas list and then some, and if they don't have THE toy, they're going to hate me forever."?

I see parents spending hundreds of dollars on toys and trinkets and the "must have" items, only to see posts in a few months of how big of a disaster their child's bedroom/playroom/living room is with all these toys. And buried somewhere underneath all the Lego's, stuffed animals, Barbie's, blocks, and train tracks is that toy. The one they HAD to have. The one you spent a month worrying over getting for them. The one you traveled out of your way and spent way too much money on. There it is. Probably stepped on, broken, and never to be played with again.

Don't get me wrong. Josiah will have a few presents under the tree with a block sorter, musical instruments, and balls for the ball pit we got used at a consignment shop weekend. And yes I know he's young and he doesn't know about the cool toys, or that all his friends are asking for XYZ and so he has to have it too. But it's not because we don't love him that he won't get a lot of gifts.

Our focus as a family isn't the gifts. It isn't how much money we spend on each other or our friends and family. It's about the gifts we are given every single day from Jesus. He has given us so much in our lives and provided so much to us, that we celebrate Him on his birthday. We give to each other as God has given to us his gift of eternal life with him.

One thing we have done for years, and I'm so excited to have Josiah be part of this tradition now, is we give back. Mike and I have been working with the Youth Group at our church for a few years, but this year we've really gotten to connect with some of the kids and pour into their lives. We also give back in the physical sense of we take ornaments off our church's tree and buy gifts for children who may not have otherwise gotten a gift, so they know they are loved and cherished. Josiah came with us this year as we picked out gifts for children and even though he's only 8 months, I hope he is seeing the love we're pouring into others less fortunate than ourselves.

So, have we forgotten the point?

I don't want to be super corny and say "Jesus is the reason for the Season.", because although that is true for our family and our religion, it isn't the case for everyone who celebrates Christmas. Even if you aren't a follower of Jesus, that doesn't mean you can't do good things for those around you. Buy a friend a cup of coffee. Bring your neighbors some cookies. Donate to a local charity. Even if you can't do any of these things for whatever reason, you can still be kind. Smile! Genuinely ask the person ringing up your groceries how they are doing. Say Thank You!!!

So what's MY point?

Be an awesome human, because we all are human at the end of the day. And remember why we celebrate and gift give this season. Don't expect anything, but Jesus gave everything!

Xo
Amanda

Updating the Blog I've Forgotten Since Having JP

As I sit in my office on this freezing (literally) November day, I was asked by my boss "Do you still write that blog of yours?" And then it dawned on me: nope. I hadn't.

So what better time than the present to give a life update.

Life. Is. Crazy.

So Josiah is about 7 1/2 months old now and is definitely keeping us on our toes. He is in the process of getting over Croup and a cold at the same time, as well as his top 2 teeth are coming down. But besides being miserable from being sick, he is growing and becoming such an independent little boy. He rolls all over the place to get to toys or whatever he's looking for. He also can sit up on his own for long periods of time. Only problem is he hasn't figured out how to get to a sitting position on his own yet, so he gets a little frustrated with that. 

He also is getting up on his hands and knees and rocking, as well as doing planks and downward dog positions. He is SO close to learning how to crawl forwards, rather than the backwards crawl that he does now!

When it comes to eating, he's quite the funny one. He loves to eat Mama and Dada's food whenever possible! Sure, his puree's and puffs are great, but have you seen Mommy's steak and potatoes? Or Daddy's pizza? Way better than mushy squash. So typically he gets a little bit of our food at night too, which is fine with all involved! With the 4 teeth he has now, he has no problem with little pieces of food. He even picks up pieces on his own now!

JP talks non stop it seems. Most of it we can't understand, but when he said DaDa for the first time a few weeks back, we definitely heard that loud and clear! He also has a distinctive sound for Kitty and LOVES when they come play with him! They're getting a little more adventurous and coming closer to him as he gets older, and let him pet them!

Sleep is non existent at this point with his cold, but we started crib training him right before he got sick, so it's been a rough ride. He finally sleeps in his crib as opposed to in our bed all night, and typically does the first half of the night in his crib. Which for me is AMAZING because I get a few hours of sleep not worrying about where in the bed JP is. 

So How are Mom and Dad

We're tired. Always tired. But we're making it through! We are looking forward to the Christmas season and seeing the excitement of everything through Josiah's eyes. We may or may not have put up our tree yesterday, and Josiah wouldn't stop staring the entire time! He helped put a few ornaments on the tree and loved every minute of it. And of course Mama is excited that the tree and lights are up and the house just feels happier! 

As we approach the holiday season, I'm so thankful for the gift we have in Josiah. He has been such a blessing (except with sleep hahaha) and I can't believe we've had him for 7 months. The joy he gives to everyone who meets him is amazing. 

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I'm hoping to keep up better with this blog, and hoping to have better things to say than just an update on how life is. 

Love you all!

Amanda and JP

 

Exhausted

I don't know about you, but life is all of a sudden really exhausting.

Now yes, a lot of this is from not sleeping at night thanks to a certain adorable nearly 6 month old nugget. But it's so much more than that.

I feel stuck. I'm stuck between figuring out how to be a mom and how to remain Amanda. I'm trying to figure out how to be the woman Mike married 3 years ago, but still tend to the needs of a baby.I'm trying to figure out how to still be a good friend to the people I love while also having time to just be me.

Right now, life just feels like it's on autopilot. I wake up, bring JP to daycare, go to work, pick JP up from daycare, go home, eat, go to bed. And repeat.

Now sure, he doesn't go to daycare everyday, so that changes things up, and on the weekends I don't work, but I just feel like every day I'm waking up and just looking forward to going back to bed. I don't mean that to be depressing, but I'm just so tired. It's not even noon and I'm just ready to crawl into bed and sleep.

Becoming a mom is hard, and not just in the "holy crud I have to take care of a tiny human" way. It completely changes everything you've known about your life.

For example:
Last night I had an event at the church, which I figured I shouldn't bring JP to, but then was told by the person running it that of course I could bring him. A year ago, or two years ago, I wouldn't have thought twice about going to this event. It would have been marked on my calendar for months and I would have been looking forward to it every day. Now? Now I not only was worrying "ok can my mom watch him since Mike works late? Is he going to need a bottle while I'm out? How many diapers should I pack him? Should I bring my pump with me just in case?" And that's after I've taken days to weigh out the pro's and con's of going to an event at night that I wasn't exactly sure when I'd be home.

So after some encouragement, I went, with JP in tow. Did I have a great time? Absolutely. Was my spiritual cup empty when I got there? Double absolutely. But those few hours, even though I did have Josiah and had to worry about nursing him and changing him and all that sort of stuff, was exactly what my exhausted life needed. Yes I woke up this morning tired as can be, but I woke up with joy in my heart and with a spiritually full cup.


As I was talking with a friend this morning, I was reminded that just because I don't see them often, or even if our friendship has gone from one of seeing them almost daily to sending snapchats every few days and commenting on FB, that doesn't make our friendship any less. I know, as we are both moms, that it's hard to get together, although you might think it wouldn't since we both have little humans and we just "get it". But some days, I really just want to stay in my baggy sweats and leave JP in his onesie and not have to leave the house. And I know she feels the same. Would I show up to her house in my sweats and no make up and hair pulled back from not showering for days? Absolutely. But the motivation can be hard sometimes.

It's not that I don't love my friends. It's not that I don't want to spend time with you. It's not that I don't want to know about your life and all the hills and valley's you're going through. Because I want to be there for you. I want to rejoice in your victories, and pray for your sorrows. But I'm just not use to this new life of being a mom and juggling everything, and I just can't give the 110% I want to give.

I've always struggled with needing to be everything for everyone, but after having Josiah, I've learned that I can't be everything for everyone. I can't be a perfect friend, coworker, mom, wife, daughter, and the list goes on. I just can't do it. And I hate that I can't because I WANT to.

I'm so grateful for the people in my life who get it. Who understand that I want to be there. I want to come hang out, go out for dinner, spend time with you. I completely get it now when I would see my friends disappear after they had a child. Not because they wanted to, but because they HAD to. They needed time to figure out how to balance their lives out.

So now I'm thankful for the people who understand I'm trying to figure out this new chapter of my life. To my amazing husband, who has been working so hard for our family and has been so understanding when I'm just not me. My family who has swept in and helped love and care for JP. And of course my friends, who even though it might be a simple message on FB checking in, have made my day and brought smiles to my face.


We've all got a lot of stuff. A lot of baggage. And sometimes we just need a season in our life to just breathe, and catch up from the exhaustion.

XO
Amanda

Parenting Choices

Who knew that at just 4 months old, I have had to make a TON of decisions that are super controversial in the society we live in. I know many moms have similar views as I do, and I know many moms who don't, and that's totally okay. But here's what we're doing, how we're doing it, why, and some details of our amazing boy!

Since we had his 4 month appointment today, he got his second round of vaccines. I know, I know, starting in hot right out of the gate. For my husband and I, it's a no brainer to get him vaccinated. We both were as children, and are all the better for it. If we knew that he had reactions to the vaccinations, or they would do more harm than good to him, we wouldn't. But since he has no allergies that we know of yet, I'd rather protect my son with vaccines than run the risk of him getting a horrible illness.

And let me just put this out there so that y'all remember this- Vaccines do NOT cause Autism.

Alright, we've got that out of the way too. (And also, if it did cause Autism, would you rather your child die from one of these horrible disease's or LIVE?)

Any ways...


We also starting about a month and a half ago sending him to daycare 3 days a week. As amazing as being a stay at home mom would have been, and how much I respect SAHM's since it was a LOT for me to stay home for 3 months let alone YEARS, I needed to get back to work. Not just for the money, because money isn't everything, but I needed to get out of the house. I love my job and my boss is amazing, so I wouldn't have traded it for any other job in the world. I still feel super guilty leaving Josiah 3 days a week at the daycare, but the only saving grace is that my mom is with him at the daycare, so I know he's in loving and good hands. (And it's only 3 days for about 6 hours a day so it's the best of all worlds).

Since I'm back to work, Josiah is bottle fed at daycare and on Monday's when he's with Mike. We are still nursing when I'm home at night and on the weekends, and I pump during the week at work. I am SO proud of both Josiah and myself for nursing for 4 months. We had a hard first few weeks with supplementing formula, but my body has found it's rhythm with Josiah, and we're doing awesome (especially since he's 17.4 pounds now!)

Our life has been crazy with trips to NY to finish cleaning out my grandfather's house since he moved in April, having family and friend's stay at our house for weekends to visit and see Josiah, going away parties, birthday parties, game nights, and just typical every day craziness, but I wouldn't change it for anything in the world.

Josiah is thriving! As I said, 17.4 pounds, 26 inches, and just a ball of energy and love. He doesn't like to be laying down still unless he's sleeping. Loves to laugh at Mike and I, and is always keeping us on our toes. I'm still up with him at least 2 times during the night, but that's okay because he's a baby! And I secretly love the middle of the night nursing cuddles that we get. Although I do miss getting more than 3-5 hours of sleep straight a night.

I really don't have much else to say. Blogging has been on the back burner, and I know I probably only have like 2 people that enjoy reading them, but when I have the time, something semi important, or just have the energy, here we are!

Lots of love from us!
Amanda and JP

Back to Blogging

I'm baaaaaaaaack!

I've obviously been a little distracted to update the blog and keep things interesting, but here I am, I'm BACK. I'm back to work, Josiah starts daycare  next week, so I'm hoping to get more into a routine than I've been in for the past 3 months.

Yup, 3 months ago today I had Josiah. WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE?

REPEAT: WHERE. HAS. THE. TIME. GONE?

 

*Quick Josiah Update*

So Josiah is 3 months old, 15.6 pounds, and aprox 25 inches (I think he might be a bit shorter than that but it's not so easy to measure a squirmy baby!). He holds his head up on his own, loves to smile and coo and talk (mostly to Daddy, and mostly in the morning). When he does tummy time, he does the super man (head and arms and legs lift up and he supports himself from his chest), and he LOOOOOVES anything Mickey (especially his lovey blanket).


Anyways....

I'm hoping that the blog doesn't get completely consumed by Josiah, but this is my blog, so really it can be consumed with whatever I want it to be! Although I may now be a mom, I am still me. Just an updated version. I still am a wife to an amazing husband. I still work at my amazing job. I still sing at church (finally back!). I just now do all of this AND have a baby in tow!

Yes it's been a bit stressful having JP in the office with me off and on. I don't feel quite as productive as I once did, but I still get the job done, just while tiptoeing around a sleeping baby, or while feeding him.

Yes I don't sing at church as much as I use to (it was like every other week for a while there), but we're getting back into a routine. I'm on once a month on Sunday's and a few Thursday nights (like tonight) so we can still spend time as a family after church most week's rather than me be tired from a long morning.

And yes, Mike and I still go out! Even just the two of us sometimes! For our anniversary we went to Dave&Busters (and for those of you who don't know it's an arcade with alcohol lol) by ourselves and had an awesome time! We've gone grocery shopping/regular mall shopping without him. But to be completely honest, it's really weird going out just the two of us. We always are checking the back of the car thinking "where's Josiah??" or we'll go to grab the stroller out of the car before entering the mall and realize "oh that's right we don't have him for a few hours".

Watching Mike become a father has been amazing. He is so good with Josiah; so loving, supportive, and does diapers! He understand that after a day at work, or a day at home, with Josiah, when he get's home I need a little break. I know that he's been working all day so I don't take too too long, but it's nice that they get that bonding time, and mama get's to pee without worrying if he's going to wake up screaming, the cats are going to jump on him, etc.

Becoming a mother has been the most natural thing to me. I am not the perfect mother, and I have a lot of moments that I need support. Mike has put JP to bed the past few nights because I just was exhausted and drained and didn't have the patience. But being Josiah's mother just feels like what I was always meant to do. All the waiting was for this exact moment. I couldn't have asked for a better partner in parenthood than Mike, and we couldn't have imagined having a more perfect child than Josiah.


So I'll leave this post here. I'm hoping to make posting a weekly thing, and hoping to have some sort of outline of things all over the board to post about (Motherhood, world events, my walk with God currently, Josiah, do's and don't, and really anything you guys want!). If you have anything you want to know about me, my opinion on, or anything you might want to see on the blog, feel free to drop a comment! I love hearing inputs!

Now excuse me as I go take my 3 month old's picture and cry that he use to be so small.

X's and O's
Amanda

What JP's Taught Me (In Pregnancy)

It has been a WHILE since I've blogged. I wonder why? Probably this cutie that I've spent the past 9 weeks at home loving up!

 

A few weeks before Josiah was born, I started writing this blog post entitled "What JP's Taught Me". I would fill in this drafted blog post every once in a while about things that were changing in me and around me and how my son had a hand in all of it. Reading back on it now, 10 weeks post partum, I can't believe all the things I went through over the course of EXACTLY 40 weeks, and all of the things JP has taught me in the 10 weeks he's been Earth side. That blog post will come at another time, but for now, here's What JP Taught Me in my pregnancy.

 

What JP Taught Me

March 8th, 2017

2 Weeks Prior to Josiah being born.

I know he's going to be a world changer. Want to know how I know? Because he's already changed mine. He's taught me so many things in these past 38 weeks.

He taught me week 1 that things aren't always going to go as planned, as seen back in June when we started our first cycle with the IVFNE doctors and had so many complications getting the medicines ready and here on time.

He taught me in week 4 that miracles happen every day, whether they're as small as the elevator being on the right floor when you press the button, or as big as seeing those two pink lines on a pregnancy test.

He taught me in week 6 that God is ALWAYS in control, and to trust him, even when you think your entire world is crashing down (when we thought we were having a miscarriage and went to the hospital).

Week 7 he taught me that people can be amazing. In a world with such negativity, when we announced that we finally had gotten pregnant, everyone forgot who was a Christian and who was an Atheist, they forgot who was married, single, straight, gay, black, white, republican, democrat, rich, and poor. And even if it was for a moment, so many people forgot those things and joined together in congratulating us on our pregnancy.

Week 14 he taught me that everything is just a season. The bad times don't last forever, and that there is always something to look forward to. For me, it was the ability to actually eat food and not feel sick 24/7. And that was one of the best lessons for me so far because man I missed eating real food and not just a bowl of cereal and a few crackers!!!

Week 19. Week 19 was the week we found out that he was a he. And that week my little miracle taught me I'd be a boy mom. And I NEVER thought I'd be a boy mom. My best friend and I always joked that she was "called" to be a boy mom and I was "called" to be a girl mom. Well, guess who's due with girl #2 a month after nugget comes?? We were just so excited that everything was going well with the pregnancy that it didn't matter what baby was, but as soon as I saw that it was a boy, my heart completely changed. I had NO idea what being a boy mom meant. I still have no idea. But I'm so excited to see where this adventure takes us!!!

Week 28 munchkin showed me that my life is no longer my own. Up until about this point, I had had nausea, and felt kicks, but that was about it. Around the beginning of the 3rd trimester, I started to feel the pressure (literally and figuratively) of carrying another life inside of me. The weight continued to pile on, the bump got bigger, and the days got more uncomfortable. I think the physical comfortableness of the 3rd trimester is the truest form of love because man, to endure this last trimester (and birth) takes a special person. Unconditional love. Lots and lots of unconditional love.

And here at 38 weeks pregnant, he's teaching me to be prepared for anything and everything. He could literally come at any point now. We're all just waiting on him. I don't sleep (so don't even tell me to sleep now while I can), I pee all the time, he pushes in weird ways out of my stomach and low in my pelvic area. Every little twinge is me saying "is that him coming? Is my water about to break? Was that a real contraction?" The symptom spotting at the end of pregnancy is just as bad as symptom spotting the week before your period is due trying to figure out if you're pregnant. But I know he'll come when he's ready.

The patience I've learned through out this whole pregnancy is amazing. I never found myself to be a patient person, even though everyone around me would say I am. When it comes to work situations, volunteering situations, and things having to do with other people, I am extremely patient. But when it comes to myself and things being done when I think they should be (like, getting pregnant on our honeymoon, or this baby coming today vs in 2 weeks on his due date) I'm so impatient, and that's something I'm working on. JP has certainly helped with that, because I know he will come at the perfect time, just like getting pregnant happened at the perfect time, whether I saw it that way or not.