"Why don't you just adopt?"

This post is going to be hard. I needed to pray before writing this because I don't want to offend anyone but here it goes...

"Why don't you just adopt?"

If you follow my Instagram you may have seen this comment on a recent post of mine. And I was kind of taken back. My post was something along the lines of "my temp drastically dropped again, I'm giving up hope." And someone commented saying "why don't you just adopt. There's plenty of unwanted babies that need mothers." 

Let me just start by saying. I did reply to this comment on Instagram. And I had to really watch what I said, as I will have to do here. But I think this needs to be said. 

Just because I've been trying to get pregnant and have been unsuccessful so far, does NOT mean I have to give up and "just adopt". Anyone who knows me knows I have a heart for children, and I 100% will adopt a child some day. But today isn't that day. 

Adoption is just as hard as getting pregnant. First of all, we can't adopt yet because we haven't been married long enough in the governments eyes (they won't even look at your application until you're at least 3 years married), and we aren't in an environment that they would say is ok for a child (a one bedroom. Oh the horror!). 

And don't even get me started on the price. We would have way less kids in orphanages and in foster care if it wasn't so expensive to adopt these children! If we had the money to adopt a child we would do so tomorrow! But it guess what? We don't. And that's ok. 

So to answer your question "why don't you just adopt?" Kind person of the Internet, I'm not going to "just adopt" because to me a child is so much more than giving in and picking up a child from an orphanage. It's not like a dog where you go pick out a pet for the next 10-15 years, this is a human being. And if I'm going to adopt, there needs to be a lot of prayer about if it's Gods timing, where to adopt from, WHO to adopt. And adopting shouldn't be a last resort. "Well, I've tried getting pregnant but I guess that's not happening so we have to adopt." No. No no no. If God is calling you to be a parent (whether biological or adoptive) God will provide! And if you're faith is dwindling that you will have a child, you need to become closer to God before bringing a child into your life. 

I have a lot of emotions about this, especially being on day 1 of my cycle and having a lot of hope gone. But it's ok. Because God provides. Trust him. I'm trying so hard, and I feel like I've been falling short, but just keep trusting and following. 

Show Us Your Glory!

Yesterday I wasn't having the worst or best of days. It was my best friends birthday so we had lunch and dessert and went shopping and had a blast!

But something after that switched. I just felt off. Mike and I went grocery shopping, I went to two stores looking for "Not Your Father's Rootbeer" and it was down pouring the whole time. And al I could think of was the song "Open Up the Heavens" by Vertical Church. And the lyrics saying "open up the Heavens, we wanna see you. Open up the floodgates, a mighty river. Flowing from your heart, filling every part of our praise" and I just kept singing that over and over and over. I finally turned the song on and listened to the bridge. "Show us, show us your glory. Show us, show us your power. Show us, show us your glory lord!" And I just had that as my prayer. On this dark rainy day when the Clomid was starting to bring out emotions I don't like, those dark sad and emotional emotions, I just wanted to see his glory and power. I go into the 3rd grocery store, find my item, and as I leave the store for some reason I looked up to the sky with this song still stuck in my head (since the heavens were certainly opening up with all the rain) and there was the biggest and brightest full arch rainbow throughout half the sky! And it was the most beautiful rainbow I've ever seen. 

But what made it more beautiful? The second rainbow above it. It was faint but it was there. I can't start to describe the joy in my heart that things are going to be ok. With my anxiety. With my infertility. With our bills. With my life. Things are going to be ok. The sun keeps coming our. The SON will keep appearing. God is here, he is actively watching, giving his wisdom, and reminding me that the things of this world that cause me so much pain are only temporary. One day (hopefully soon) I won't be crying every time I have a negative pregnancy test. I don't have to take this medicine any more to help us have children that makes my emotions out of wack. I don't have to worry forever that I'll never pay off my student loans. Only a season. Only a season.