All I want is to be in the light

"But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin." - 1 John 1:7

What a powerful message to read on this Wednesday. The sky outside of my window is gray, the leaves colors looking dull, and my verse of the day is about the light? Something seems a bit ironic in this.

Let me show you the few verses before this verse of walking in the light before I dig into it deeper. Starting in verse 5:

"This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in darkness,  we lie and do not live out the truth."

The more I'm reading over these three verses (5-7) the more I fall in love with it. It is so easy for us to slip into darkness. We might not even realize that we have been walking in darkness! As followers of Christ, it is so important to be following God's way, God's light. It says it plain as day in verse 6 "If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walking in darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth."

I don't know about you, but when I read that, I think of instances in my life where I was claiming to follow Christ and yet was walking in darkness. I was trying to minister to other people, trying to work with youth, and trying to spread the light of God, but I myself was living in darkness. I wasn't pursuing God. I was pursuing that happy feeling inside. I wanted the benefits of Jesus without doing any of the work. I knew the truth of Christ, that he had died for my sins and risen from the grave, but I wasn't living out my life in a way that glorified that truth.


We all have those moments where we finally get it. We finally see what everyone else is talking about.


Like the moment I first watched Frozen after not wanting to watch it because everyone and their mother thought it was the best thing ever and I didn't want to be another band wagoner.

In my faith, that moment came about 3 years ago.

I had been "following" Jesus for about a year and a half at that point. I came to God when I thought that I couldn't be any lower. My grandmother had just passed away. I couldn't think of anywhere else to look but up to the heavens and pray. From that day forward, I called myself a believer. And after mourning her loss (which by the way, I still cry when I hear certain songs or see pictures of us because I miss her so much), I realized that God had a plan.

I was very active in the church I went to during college and the year after. I was on the worship team, worked with the 4th-6th graders in Sunday School, went to bible study, and spent lots of time with my church friends. I was happy. I thought that was enough. I had a boyfriend who wasn't a believer, but I thought maybe I could change that. Maybe if I prayed hard enough that he would come to know the God that I loved so much. And a lot of people around me reminded me of the scripture 2 Corinthians 6:14 "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?"

But my boyfriend couldn't be darkness or wickedness. He was so nice. We had fun together. Why would people keep telling me about this verse?

And then, just like that, God ripped that happiness away from me. My boyfriend and I after a year and a half broke up, and I felt just as low as when my grandmother passed away. I felt like God had forgotten me, and that he didn't want me to be happy. I had lost the person I cared about most and I didn't understand why I couldn't fix it.

And then I realized that I wasn't living for God's light. I was living for myself. I didn't care if my actions glorified God outside of that church building. I wanted to be happy and live the life I was use to.

And then I remembered 2 Corinthians 6:14. And I realized that all that time, even though I hated to admit it at the time, all those people were right. They all agreed that he was a great guy, but he wasn't following Christ and that wasn't going to work. And looking back, I praise God so much for not letting that work. I praise him for pulling me out of that darkness, out of my sin I was living in, and for giving me 3 months to really just spend time with Him and to learn what it really meant to be a follower of Christ.

Those 3 months between November 2012 and February 2013 were some of the best months I've ever lived. I was digging into God's word more than I ever had before. I was going to bible study and participating and contributing to the group. I started memorizing scriptures. I was doing good works for the Kingdom of God.

I remember praying during the giant snow storm in February 2013 "Lord if it is your will, send me a man who is following after your heart, that can help me to grow and walk along side me in this life."

And I kid you not, the next day I met my husband on an online dating site.

I'm so thankful that I now live out that 1 John scripture about walking in fellowship with others who are in the light. My husband has since day 1 been my spiritual rock. He helps me when I'm feeling sorry for myself, reminds me "WWJD" and just really keeps things in perspective for me.

I hope that my story about finding the light and walking with the light has inspired you. I hope if you're like I was and walking in darkness that this message may help you to see the light of God.


One last thing, the entire time I've written this blog, I have been humming dc Talks "In the Light". It fits perfectly with this scripture. I hope you enjoy this song as much as I do!

 

God Bless,

Amanda